A Beautiful Bubble

Directionally Challenged...Post 5

2012-02-01T13:11:00.006-06:00

I sent a series of effusive emails to Jo after our IEP meeting. It helped me collect and sum up my feelings on the matter.

I thanked her for taking up the fight for Quincie and even asked her if we could simply ride her coattails for a while. Because we need her so desperately and because we are so, so weary.

Yet another IEP meeting made me reflect on everything we have been through since this severely developmentally delayed little person has come into our lives. Since retrocochlear / off the charts deafness and non-communication have besieged our family.

I told Jo that it was nice to let my guard down for once. To not have to fight. Brent and I are battle-weary and fatigued. We have fought so many battles on Quincie's behalf. Its been exhausting and some of the tolls (mental, emotional, spiritual) have been rather dreadful. I told Jo that in a sense it feels we have just emerged the not so obvious victors of a three plus year war.

That is why finally finding her, Jo, Annie Sullivan to our little Helen Keller, has been such a victory. Such a relief. It is as if a huge burden / weight has been lifted, and perhaps now we can take the time we so desperately need to recuperate from fighting so hard for so long.

We want to simply...breathe. To enjoy our family. To rest easy in the knowledge that we can finally pass the torch and let someone else sprint the next stretch of this village marathon relay race. Of course as parents we are never completely dis-involved in our children's lives. But for the moment, for this schoolyear and perhaps the next one or two or five :) we are hoping for a bit of a sabbatical from the battlefront.

We hope to watch as language blossoms / unfolds for our little one. We hope to see a real desire develop within Quincie to communicate with her family. We hope she figures out and connects with this small world around her.

We still face many, many, many challenges with Quincie; but we feel we are finally, finally headed in the right direction. :) Post 5 of 5

Directionally Challenged...Post 4

2012-02-01T13:09:00.007-06:00

This year was BY FAR the most pleasant IEP experience I have ever had for Quincie. IEP's at KSD were simply dreadful. Especially initially, Quincie was so delayed as to be off the charts negative in every single measurable area. Call me crazy, but its nothing short of excruciatingly difficult / gut-wrenching to absorb that kind of dismal information about my baby and continue to sit there through a one to two hour meeting, surrounded by practically strangers, with a waxed on smile ;) on my face.

Thankfully this year was a huge improvement over IEP meetings of years past. We were at our school of choice, a first. We were talking about the most plugged in, literally and figuratively, Quincie the world has seen yet. A significant no small feat first. ;) And it might sound trite, but it made a difference to me that everyone in the room could communicate verbally.

At KSD we had to rely on interpreters since most of the teachers / staff were deaf themselves. In the grand scheme of the universe that's not a big deal. But in an already uncomfortable situation, it definitely exacerbates the tension / frustration / desperation that an overwhelmed How exactly did I land here again? plus I'm way out of my element / comfort zone in this room parent is feeling.

There were no real surprises this year. We have a good grasp of where Quincie is at academically; and for the first time this schoolyear we have complete confidence in her educational experience. Its nice to feel that way for a change. Really nice.

It has helped immensely that both Brent and I have finally been able to let go and let someone else fight hardest for Quincie for perhaps the first time since we've had her home with us since June 2008. I've said it before and I might say it one thousand times before I am done blogging, we have finally found her. Our Annie Sullivan. Post 4 of 5

Directionally Challenged...Post 3

2012-02-01T12:58:00.004-06:00

Most persons have never even heard of an IEP. It stands for Individual Education Plan, and it is part and parcel of the special needs gig. Not to mention, it is absolutely no fun.

The reason parents have to attend an IEP meeting is because their child has a particular handicap / disability (perhaps plural) that precludes said child from functioning / learning in the general education classroom at a "normal" level. The parents are of course painfully aware of this lesser than normal circumstance. They live it every...single...day.

Though in theory parents and educators are on the same team, IEP's can easily become a bit of an Us vs. Them scenario. There are usually issues on which parents and educators disagree, and at the very least it is one more undesirable / stressful situation the parent of a special needs child finds himself or herself begrudgingly thrust into.

No matter how much "they" / educators try to sweeten the pot, no matter how many sugary sweet anecdotes or politically correct phrases they carefully toss our way, the reason an IEP exists for kiddos like my Quincie is that at some pivotal, anguished, monumental moment in their past, these parents felt a gut-wrenching ache, harbored a haunting suspicion and finally heard the fateful confirming words. Something is wrong.

That something, that truthfully as the years pass becomes less wrong and feels more seemingly and even suitably right ;) must be addressed / attempted / accommodated in the public school setting. And yes, this is yet another situation in which parents of special needs kiddos find themselves swallowing a bit more parental pride. Ok, a lot of parental pride.

Its really not much fun to be one parent in a roomful of several educators, listening to numbers and results that all point to one thing: that my child is developmentally delayed. Severely developmentally delayed. That my child is the one grossly behind her classmates / peers in almost every measurable area. That my child cannot function in a general education classroom without a full time paraprofessional to guide her every footstep. That my child needs additional services beyond the general education classroom. That on a scale of 1-5, my child barely scores a 1.

Perhaps it is not the same for every parent; but for most, certainly for myself, it is sometimes nothing short of an emotional ordeal, a painful reminder of what we live through on the homefront each and every day. Each year we breathe a collective sigh of relief at having survived one more IEP meeting. Post 3 of 5

Directionally Challenged...Post 2

2012-02-01T12:54:00.002-06:00

We got the form email on Wednesday February 25th. Cory was not accepted into the DS Science program.

Honestly Brent and I were stunned by this news. Cory makes excellent grades, and while we knew the competition would be nothing short of fierce, we just assumed that Cory was a shoe-in. Its dangerous to assume, isn't it?

One thing I love about my Coreo is his easy going personality. His response to the news was, Well, that sucks. But then he went right back to playing Nintendo and really never gave DS Science another thought. He had tried. He didn't make it. He would go to East with his friends. End of story. I wish I could say that Brent and I handled the news so easily.

Truthfully we were both quite upset. We had had it all worked out in our heads you see. We loved the thought of Tate and Cory attending the same high school. Obviously that makes transportation super easy. Also, this truly is a terrific program / curriculum and many of the kids in DS Science receive some pretty super duper college scholarships. Definitely a perk.

We had to adjust to another adjusted outcome. We had to swallow a bit of parental pride. We had to assuage the situation. Two kids in two different high schools. It feels a bit overwhelming on the surface. Realistically speaking both high schools are relatively close by, so we'll figure out transportation and simply make it work. What other choice do we have?

By Thursday night we were feeling better about this new direction we'd been dealt. We'd processed through most of our jumbled up negative emotions, which included disappointment, disbelief, frustration and anxiety.

Thankfully we were able to mask from Cory how upset we had in truth both been. We put on a happy face, adopted a positive attitude, decided not to worry about transportation quite yet :) and began talking about trying out for the drumline at East. This outcome was certainly not what we had planned or hoped for, but...we're hoping somehow it works out for the best.

We didn't have a whole lot of time to dwell upon our North / East dilemma, because Friday was Quincie's IEP meeting. Post 2 of 5

Directionally Challenged...Post 1

2012-02-01T12:52:00.001-06:00

The last full week in January was a bit of a rough one for us. ;O

There were two rather significant events we had to wade our way through and each of them brought challenges to our table.

First, Cory had applied to the Distinguished Scholars / DS Science program at North, the same one Tate is currently in. In the past few weeks Cory has had to complete an online application, submit two written essays and also have a formal interview with a handful of teachers at North. We knew to expect the announcement for placement on or before Friday January 27th.

Its hard waiting on news, especially BIG news. This was perhaps the determining factor as to whether or not Cory would go to North or East next year. If he was accepted into DS Science he would follow his brother to North. If not he would continue on with his classmates and attend the high school that we are zoned for, East.

Just like two years ago with Tate it was going to be a tough decision either way. Its not easy to leave behind friends that one has gone to school with for years. Likewise, its difficult to ignore an outstanding opportunity, and DS Science is just that.

This schoolyear the upperclassmen (juniors and seniors) in DS Science won a HUGE science competition here in our metro area. For grand prize these upperclassmen earned their program $50,000 plus corporate sponsorship. Needless to say, interest in the program suddenly SKYROCKETED.

Whereas Tate was practically coerced into declaring science as his DS curriculum earlier this year, Cory faced some major competition. Post 1 of 5

Hello Kitty And Pretty in Pink :)

2012-01-20T18:05:00.001-06:00

Just a short little things post about my two sugar and spice and everything nice girlsies.

The new picture that I've chosen for this blog shows Quincie in her new fave hat in the whole wide world. Ever. I thought Quincie would like this hat. I never dreamed she would LOVE IT the way she does.

I really could have just wrapped up this one Christmas present for Quincie and she would have been giddy. Forget the Disney princess Squinkies; just give this girl a Hello Kitty hat!

Quincie ADORES her new hat. She is crazy about it. She wears it to the supper table. She wears it when she watches movies or plays in her room. She wears it to school. She even wears it when she sleeps! Really and truly, this darling hat is almost always found securely nestled atop Quincie's head.

One cool thing that I didn't even attempt to plan was that the small, sparkly hot pink bow on this rather wonderful hat exactly matches one of Mallie's fave Christmas presents, a sparkly hot pink bow on a headband. Only the bow on Mallie's headband is rather BIG.

Actually we've gone a little headband crazy at our house since Christmastime. Both girls got a (Target $1 Spot!) Hello Kitty headband in their stockings. Then we spent a little bit more of our Christmas money on even more headbands. We have pale pink flower headbands, hot pink flower headbands, red flower headbands, pink and white flower headbands and of course a few headbands that glitter and sparkle too. Like Mallie's BIG sparkly hot pink bow.

We have a couple of rather plain headbands, one black and one white, but mostly we like...PINK! :) We really don't care if its pale or hot or satin or sparkly. PINK IT UP PLEASE.

Its more than fun - especially after three boys - to have two little girls who LOVE Hello Kitty hats and Pretty in Pink headbands. Insert contented sigh here.

Mom Fail, Teacher Save

2012-01-20T17:38:00.002-06:00

To quote my boys, I had an epic fail this past Wednesday night.

Each January there is a designated night set aside for parents to observe at dance class. For Mallie's class this brand new year that night was January 18th.

It had been a disjointed week already and I was completely preoccupied with something else that same early Wednesday evening. At almost the last moment I remembered that Mallie had dance; so we rushed to get ready and I was actually quite proud of both of us for making it out the door on time. That particular night, it was definitely an achievement.

As we were en route it hit me. Oh no. Is this observation night? Gulp. Back at home I had left semi-browned hamburger on the stovetop and Quincie watching a movie. Even though everyone else was in the house, nobody was in a good spot to attend to Quincie.

Stepping into Miss Nyree's classroom that night confirmed my blunder. There were chairs set up all around the perimeter of the room and parents occupying those same chairs. All of the other girls were in their black pants and black and hot pink Leigh's tank top. Though I thought Mallie looked nothing short of beguiling in her pale pink dance outfit with matching headband, she certainly did not match the other girls. In fact, she rather stood out.

I had no choice but to confess and tell Nyree the truth. That I had completely forgotten it was parent observation night and there was simply no way I could change gears now and stay. Mom Fail. Nyree turned to Mallie and said, Mallie, can I be your Mom for the next 45 minutes? I would love that! Teacher Save. :)

Its just one of those marvelous reminders that there really is still such a thing as kindness in this world. It is gifted to us when we need it most and deserve it least. I was incredibly grateful to Nyree for saving the day for Mallie. I was also ridiculously proud of Mallie for handling the situation with such perspective and grace.

My little me could have cried or thrown a fit or been justifiably quite upset with me. Instead, she chose to simply make the best of it. I love how secure my little girl is. She did say that she kept glancing towards the door, looking for one of us (Brent or myself) to show up late; but when we didn't, that was just the end of it.

Dance class was over, Nyree had been her marvelous pretend Mommy for 45 minutes...and it really wasn't that big of a deal. She did state over supper that her Mommy was the only one who didn't sit down :) but then she shrugged, took another bite of her French toast and happily resumed chatting with her big brothers.

I love that girl. Lots. :)

More Than Brokenness...Post 3

2012-01-18T14:37:00.003-06:00

I have learned that I don't have all of the answers and probably never will.

I have learned that I can look back and realize mistakes and shortcomings, but looking back and coming up short does not, or should not, effect how I respond to situations today. Right now.

That is what counts. That is what matters. Right now. How I choose to respond to life today.

How I choose to respond to brokenness. Quincie's brokenness. My brokenness.

I believe that every day we are given a choice. We can choose to respond or not respond. We can choose to strive past our feelings, past our own brokenness. We can even choose the lens we look through each day. We can choose a positive perspective. We can choose to focus on the pluses instead of the minuses.

All of this talk about response choices doesn't mean it is easy. Not by a longshot!

It isn't easy after 3 1/2 plus years to still wake up to a non-communicative little person each day. Some days it takes every bit of strength I possess to put a smile on. To push back the familiar negative thoughts that come tumbling out of my oh so weary mind. To choose not to dwell upon the Why us? and When God? and again, Why?

Some days I do not succeed. In fact if I'm honest, some days I fail pretty miserably. Some days it feels like I'm pretending when I end each blogpost with a sunshiny spin.

But its not. Its not pretending. Its real.

Its a real choice. To end on a positive note. To decide to focus on her smile and sparkle and shine and sweetness. To cheer on each baby step and small sound, sign or success.

I think its healthy to recognize brokenness. Non-communication is a very real issue I have to struggle with every single day.

But it is not healthy to remain in a broken place when we have a choice response. When we can wake up each morning and choose the lens we look through, the perspective we choose to embrace that day. That doesn't mean that our situation has changed, it means that we have chosen to change. :)

Some days it is much, much more difficult than others. Brokenness, especially brokenness that is not easily mended nor "fixed" wears us down. Day after day after day of dealing with brokenness is much to contend with. Still, I am learning.

Learning that I can choose to be a warrior mommy. Learning that I can choose to keep pressing on. Learning that I can keep fighting for my daughter. Learning that letting go of the past and embracing the future, no matter how uncertain that future, is truly a choice. My choice. Every moment. Every day.

I don't want my dwelling place to be a place of brokenness. I want more than brokenness.

Just like we tell our kids, I want to make good choices every day. Choices that enhance Quincie's life today and future tomorrw, choices that enable her to sparkle and shine. :)

Keep shining down on us God. In this broken world, we really need it. Post 3 of 3

More Than Brokenness...Post 2

2012-01-18T14:35:00.001-06:00

Of course my main struggle with brokenness the past few years has revolved around my adopted special needs daughter, Quincie. Born with both worst case scenario heart and hearing issues, hers is not an easy path. Perhaps it goes without saying, it is not an easy path for her parents either.

It is easy for me to feel overwhelmed with sadness sometimes. I still get depressed about certain issues, events that did or in some cases did not happen.

I strive to make sense of the insensible. Like most of us, I want answers. I am also learning slowly that there is not always an answer. At least one that is acceptable or makes sense. I do not believe there is a reason for everything. I do believe that God can bring about some good in any circumstance, even painful ones. Post 2 of 3...

More Than Brokenness...Post 1

2012-01-18T14:34:00.002-06:00

I've been thinking a lot about brokenness lately and our choice responses to it. Having a special needs kiddo can be a catalyst for such random thoughts I guess. :)

Brokenness is simply a fact of life. Its the world we live in. We see it all around us. Broken families, broken people, broken lives. Some people are born with broken hearts (literally) and some hearts are broken (figuratively) later on in life. We can suffer from a broken body, mind or spirit. We feel the effects of brokenness all around us. Its part of life in this life.

Brokenness hurts. It is painful. It can be all-consuming. It can plunge us into despair or perhaps rally us to push harder, push farther. Sometimes we vacillate between both of these extremes and live and function rather precariously in the process.

No matter how brokenness makes us feel, I am slowly learning that we can choose how we respond to brokenness in our lives. Post 1 of 3...

My Little Po :)

2012-01-09T18:15:00.001-06:00

Quincie and I decided to get Brent the movie Kung Fu Panda 2 for Christmas as its one thing he had actually asked for.

I posted once about the time our family saw this movie in the theater. Now that we own it we have watched it several more times, and each time we re-watch it Quincie seems more and more like my own little Po. :)

Po of course is the Panda Bear in the movie. Quincie is sort of like a panda bear anyway. She has a round Buddha belly and is sort of soft and squishy and plush and cuddly all over. And did we mention that Po's favorite pastime is eating?

Watching this movie with Quincie qualifies as nothing short of an event. She LOVES this movie and acts it out amazingly well. She gets all of her stuffed pandas, a small step stool and as many scarves as she can carry so that she can put her baby Po into a radish crate, which is the inverted step stool filled with pink and purple scarves.

She jumps up and down, hops all over the place and even copies Master Shifu's footwork perfectly when he demonstrates for Po how to harness inner peace. She loves it when I come out and am her supporting actor. I always get stuck with the Pillow Pet Panda Bear, not that I mind terribly. :) But I do think its funny that I am the big Mommy Panda Bear and she is the baby Po Panda.

She laughs and laughs and laughs some more, she shrieks and howls, she makes gutteral noises that I think no panda alive could possibly make, but are vintage Quincie noises nonetheless. She simply throws herself wholeheartedly into the magic of this movie. Its a marvelous sight to behold.

This movie is excruciatingly sentimental for our family, but especially Brent and myself. The story takes place in China, and Po is forcibly abandoned by his parents and is adopted by a kindly goose. :) Quincie laughs and laughs now at how Mr. Ping finds baby Po inside of a crate of radishes. She has no inkling that there is a larger concept / significant meanings behind this scene. Someday though, she will.

When that day comes, I'm glad we have this movie to reference. I hope Q will continue to love Brent and me like Po chooses to continue to love his father in this second Kung Fu Panda installment. Somehow I think she will. I hope she does. Because Quincie is my little Po through and through, and I simply love her to China and back. :)

Obsessed With Perry / The Mall Event :)

2012-01-09T17:56:00.003-06:00

The kids each had a bit of Christmas money to spend, so we waited two days after Christmas, then decided to go spend it. :)

Actually this particular trip was mainly for the girls, but since all three boys had been playing Wii practically non-stop since about 1pm Christmas Day I insisted that they turn off the Wii, get out of their room, leave the house and come along with us.

This little excursion was something of A FIRST. An event. I had never before taken ALL FIVE OF MY KIDS to THE MALL.

I'm not much of a mall person. Grocery stores love me, malls...not so much. Since I don't frequent the mall myself, its really no wonder that I had never ventured there with my rather large brood before. This particular day however I decided to be somewhat adventurous.

We knew our destination was The Disney Store, and I at least thought it was a fun little outing for all of us. Though I showed Quinice Mu-Lan, Belle and Jasmine, she was adamant about purchasing a Rapunzel plush doll, exactly like the one her sister had received for Christmas. Quincie also purchased a small plush Perry the Platypus, from the Disney show Phineas and Ferb, and she loves them both. :)

Cory and Wade each decided to get a small plush Perry too, and I had to giggle that we bought a grand total of three. Mallie bought a Sleeping Beauty plush doll, even though she had a smaller Sleeping Beauty plush doll at home. Oh well. Sleeping Beauty is her favorite princess.

It is impossible to avoid the carousel whilst leaving The Disney Store. The littles spotted it and begged to ride it. The big boys were balking of course; they were more than ready to retreat to their den / bedroom and resume their interrupted Wii game. However, Mama couldn't pass it up. Since this mall event is not an everyday occurrence for us, I just couldn't deny the three littles a ride.

The carousel did not disappoint. Its a double-decker and we were able to secure a dolphin for Wade and two ponies for the girlsies on the top deck. I'm not sure why, but Q decided to get excessively loud at this point. There was a little girl riding right beside Quincie, and well, suffice it to say that Q practically spoiled the carousel ride for her.

The poor little girl couldn't peel her wide eyes away from Q as for the duration of the ride Q made very loud, Uhhhhh, Uhhhhh, Uhhhhh noises. I was trying to quiet Quincie down, but wasn't having a whole lot of success. To that little girl who had obviously never been around a special needs non-communicative little person before, I do apologize that mine spoiled your carousel ride. ;( We sincerely wished that everyone could have enjoyed it as much as we did.

The big boys were nothing short of thrilled to leave the mall. We got home, the boys resumed their Wii playing and the girls played with their new plush dolls. I'm thinking I won't be able to drag my bigs to the mall again anytime soon, but I was definitely glad they had tagged along this time. It was fun to successfully haul all five kids to the mall...and back again. :)

Hyperventilating Because We Ran Out of Eggs...Again. :)

2012-01-09T16:44:00.003-06:00

Just a quick blurb on my big boys who always make me smile. :)

Tate has turned into a serious P90X dude. P90X is an intense workout system, and Tate follows the regimen / program almost religiously. He works out SIX days a week, and we have had many a spat because P90X interfered with supper or some evening activity.

Cory recently was able to hop on the P90X bandwagon with Tate and Brent, so now all three of them work out six days a week as soon as Brent is done with work for the day / right before supper.

I'm super duper proud of ALL :) of my boys for their commitment to fitness and working out. However, it is also rather super duper stressful to try to feed these three. Tate used to be a pretty light eater. Not so anymore.

Like his younger brother Cory, who has long been known as Cory the Carnivore in our house, Tate wants meat, meat and MORE MEAT. Protein, protein and more protein. Tate has also voluntarily cut out ALL snacks and really tries to watch the carbs. Tony Horton would be so proud of him! :)

Anyway, I can barely keep our freezer stocked with enough meat or our fridge stocked with milk and eggs for my boysies. We go through one gallon of milk per day - yes, you read that correctly! - and probably a carton of eggs per week. We have lotsa meat and veggies every night for supper and oh yeah, we can go through as many as four bunches of bananas per week! We have also gone through simply bushels of Honeycrisp apples this season.

The first thought that pops into my head each morning is, What will I make for supper tonight? The immediate chaser thought is, Do I have all of the ingredients? :) Its no small feat keeping up with meals and laundry around here, lemme tell ya. But, my boysies are more than worth it.

Santa Is Real...Post 2

2012-01-09T16:20:00.001-06:00

This next part became a bit tricky for me. Wade is at that precarious but marvelous age. The little boy inside of him still wants to believe in Santa Claus. The little boy who is all too fast growing up has more than an inkling that maybe this Santa Claus dude isn't really for real.

Wade asked me the question I didn't want him to ask. Mom, did you fill the stockings, or did Santa come? Eek! I managed to ask him back what he thought must have happened...and I indulged him in his Christmas fantasy. Because I wanted to sustain the magic. I didn't want to spoil that spirit of Christmas dream inside of him. However, then the issue of the note.

I convinced Wade to leave the note on top of his stocking anyway, saying that maybe Santa would stop back by if he knew there was a little boy who had left a note for him...even if it was just a smidge too late.

Brent had to wait until after 1am to make sure that Wade was really asleep. Then he snuck downstairs, and not only did he forge Saint Nick's signature, he left an especial note for Wade written out on the same piece of paper, telling him that he had just enough time to circle back around to tend to the note that he discovered Wade had left for him.

I wish I could capture in words the look on Wade's face Christmas morning when he opened up his note, and found the full of Christmas magic signature he was hoping against hope for. Santa really IS real, he whispered in almost disbelief with a HUGE grin on his face. :)

I kept that note. I have it tucked away and will most likely keep it forever. It was one more Christmas that my sweet little boy Wade believed. :) Thanks Santa.

Santa Is Real...Post 1

2012-01-09T16:11:00.000-06:00

I have to say that overall I felt Christmas presents were very much appreciated and well received this year, despite my couple of Christmas fails. Tate and Cory each got a Wii game they had hoped for. All three littles loved their $1 pair of gloves. ;) Mallie got a Rapunzel plush doll that actually made her SQUEAL in absolute delight. And a dear young friend of mine, Jenn, even surprised me on Christmas Eve with a Pirates of the Caribbean 4 Blackbeard toy figurine. :) Everyone had at least one present that seemed to make their eyes light up. That was what I was hoping for.

Perhaps the most magical part of Christmas 2012 for me though was my wonderful little boy Wade's enthusiasm for Santa Claus. Wade WROTE A NOTE to Santa, asking him / Santa to sign the note if he was really real. :) Could we pull off a bit of Christmas magic?

I had somehow convinced Wade that Santa didn't make house calls before midnight. Therefore, I thought it safe when shortly after midnight I filled up the stockings. Shortly after that, Wade snuck out of bed and ventured downstairs with his note to Santa in his hand. He said he was going to leave it on top of his stocking for Santa to find.

Imagine his rather dreadful surprise to find the stockings had already been filled, and my horror at finding out that he meant to leave the note for Santa on top of his stocking. OH BOY! Post 1

Really Mom? Christmas Fails!

2012-01-09T15:36:00.000-06:00

I felt like I scored with most of the presents this year, but I did have a couple of epic fails too.

I thought FOR SURE that Quincie would like / love Squinkies. She loves to play with teeny tiny playthings. Its almost like they made Squinkies just for my Q-Baby. I got her two Disney princess packages and one Hello Kitty package. I simply could not wait for Quincie to open those three small boxes.

FAIL. Quincie opened up the packages and seemed somewhat excited initially, but that initial excitement never bubbled over into the sheer giddy enthusiasm I was expecting / hoping for.

Squinkies come inside of a clear plastic ball. We dumped our 36 Squinkies into a pink gift bag and transported them up to her room to her dollhouse. I began to take some Squinkies out of the clear plastic balls, but Q didn't like that. She insisted I put them back inside the clear plastic balls and proceeded instead to litter the second floor of her dollhouse with all 36 clear plastic balls. Hmmm. This wasn't exactly the direction I thought this would go.

A few days later Q still had not touched one Squinkie ball. I decided to take action. I snuck into her room and freed all 24 Disney princess Squinkies and 12 Hello Kitty Squinkies and laid them out for Q to look at. Surely once she saw them she would discover her dreadful error and begin playing with them non-stop, right? Wrong again. This time she rather disdainfully SHOVED THEM AWAY. Ouch Q!

I am still seriously mind-boggled over this one. Quincie not liking Squinkies makes absolutely no sense to this mama. Nevertheless, I had to admit defeat and count it as an EPIC Christmas FAIL.

A second mini Christmas fail came when Wade opened up one of his presents. I got the movie MegaMind for Christmas, and it really wasn't designated for one particular person, it just ended up being in a box marked for Wade. Though Wade likes the movie, I guess it isn't his favorite, because he opened his small box, held up the movie and said, MegaMind Mom...Really? Wow! Christmas fail #2. Thank goodness Mallie was so enraptured with her new Tangled little girl panties and sparkling hot pink headband! :) Otherwise I really would have been singing the blues that Christmas morning.

Presents Under The Tree :)

2012-01-09T15:13:00.001-06:00

I feel dreadfully behind in posting some of the little things that I love to post about. So I just want to jot down a couple of Christmas memories from 2012 that happened to be favorites.

First of all, as Christmas was fast approaching I felt I didn't have a lot under our tree. Though I have been making a real effort not to overindulge at Christmastime, and this year finds us especially strapped financially, I still found myself wishing that there were more wrapped presents underneath our tree for the little ones.

I think it might have been on Christmas Eve when my good friend Lizz told me something positively brilliant. She stated that kids don't necessarily want big, splashy and / or expensive presents. They really just want lots of presents to unwrap / open. She was right!

Wade and Mallie were especially in the Christmas spirit this year. They could hardly contain their enthusiasm for presents and stockings Christmas morning. Christmas Eve evening I had a card table set up in the living room and was armed with scissors, tape, wrapping paper and boxes galore. I wouldn't let them see what was inside the boxes, but after the boxes were taped up I let those two help me wrap box...after box...after box. THEY LOVED IT. :)

Now ask me what was in so many, many boxes. A few of them held one $1 pair of gloves. A couple of them contained one headband each for the girls. One package, which also turned out to be a HUGE HIT by the way, held a package of Tangled little girl panties for Mallie. :)

I basically took a few items I was going to use as stocking stuffers and decided to wrap them up instead. Yes Lizz, it worked! The kids were thrilled with the number of packages they got to help wrap Christmas Eve night and of course then unwrap / open on Christmas morning. It was just plain fun.

A Beautiful Bubble...Post 7

2011-12-26T23:36:00.011-06:00

My wish and hope and prayer for Quincie in 2012 and beyond :) is that she will want to connect via communication. With her family. With friends. With the world around her.

Because that's the real trick, isn't it? Finding a way to convince this little person who spent her formative years oblivious to it, and truthfully has since existed quite well without it, that communication is worth it. That language is a treasure and communication is the prize...if she will just put enough effort into it.

She has to believe it. She has to want it. She has to deem it important and beneficial and worthy enough to try. Please try Q-Baby. Please, please try! :)

I want to communicate with my daughter. I want our relationship to blossom and grow and grow and GROW. I don't want to feel stuck anymore.

I never dreamed another year would pass and I would be writing the same thing. That hopefully next year will be the year that my Quincie grasps language and learns to communicate.

Its hard to be here, in this place.

Still, 2011 has been a watershed year. We were told in 2008 that our daughter would never hear. In 2011 we have witnessed the miracle of her responding to sound. Responding to our voices. Responding to her name.

I was truly beginning to wonder if Quincie would ever understand the concept of names. That people and places and things have names. That she has a name. Now absolutely beaming she quite proudly, even emphatically, beats the letter Q into her chest (her sign name), and whirls around when we call out her spoken name. I cannot express in mere words what a nothing short of wondrous event this is. :)

We marvel at this daughter of ours who, a short few months ago, couldn't seem to remember how to count to five now counts to twenty five. WOW!

We rejoice in those holy grail moments when Quincie does communicate with us through language. They are few and far between, but they have come to pass.

We see a spark that wasn't there before. I will forever be convinced, whether she ever speaks orally or not, that HEARING IS THE BRIDGE. It has finally connected her to the busy and noisy world around her. It has awakened something within her that lay dormant for years, or simply wasn't there before. HEARING IS THE MIRACLE GIFT. It might have come too late to afford her spoken language, but it is still the gateway to communication for my Q.

Signed or spoken, may 2012 build upon the miracles of 2011, and may I finally be able to communicate fully with my Q-Baby. :) Here's hoping we can POP! that beautiful bubble too. I love you Q! And with God's perfect lens, no matter what. :) Post 7 of 7

A Beautiful Bubble...Post 6

2011-12-26T23:15:00.011-06:00

I truly do believe that Quincie will not live inside of her beautiful bubble forever. I also believe that she will exist there longer than I ever imagined possible.

I have had to concede that my hopes and dreams for Quincie may simply never come true. I'm not sure what level of communication she may reach; though I do have hope to believe she will not remain non-communicative forever.

It terrifies me when I see her give up. When she deems that communication is not worth the effort. When I try to communicate with her and she vehemently shakes her head no at me, or chooses to glide away in eerie silence. Those are the moments in which those lost years are the most telling and horrific. When it resonates with us that communication simply was not an integral part of those formative years for Quincie, and therefore might never be.

On those rare emergence occasions we see the spark that this marvelous gift of hearing has afforded her. We see her begin to connect. She breaks through the invisible film of that beautiful bubble and joins us in a much coveted moment of normality. Life outside the bubble. Those are moments we rejoice in and cling to. They offer us hope; that someday things will be different. Post 6 of 7...

A Beautiful Bubble...Post 5

2011-12-26T22:43:00.009-06:00

Sometimes I wish I could crawl inside of that beautiful bubble and live there for even a few moments with my Q. Happily floating along in a suspended rainbow sort of reality. Peering out at the world beyond the invisible film through her innocent eyes.

Perhaps that is what God's lens allows me to do. In those moments, I dwell there for a few holy moments with her. But I can't stay there. I can't live inside of that beautiful bubble. And I wonder...how long can she?

Quincie is still quite young. She is an absolutely adorable, almost irresistible six year old girl that kids and grown-ups alike are smitten with. But what about when she is ten? Or twelve? Or sixteen? Or twenty-six?

If she is still living inside of her beautiful bubble...will it still be "cute" then? If Quincie is still sweet and smiling and is full of sparkle and shine and contagious laughter, but cannot communicate in ten or twenty years...what happens to her then?

I have had to let go and let God with Quincie more than with any of my other children. I have had to admit that I cannot do it alone, that I need that proverbial village. I have had to grapple with a myriad of frustrations and disappointments and even maddening circumstances. I have had to exist in a distorted, suspended, rather surreal and oftentimes harsh reality.

I have wept. I have known what it is to be broken. I have been robbed of dreams. I have fought and lost. I have fought and won.

I have prayed. I have lost years. I have gained wisdom. I have accepted less than. I have begged for more.

I have adjusted to my adjusted outcomes. I have embraced in light of eternity. Post 5 of 7...

A Beautiful Bubble...Post 4

2011-12-26T20:38:00.012-06:00

I have done more soul-searching in the past three and one half years than all the rest of my years put together. Our own experience with retrocochlear deafness / developmental delays / non-communication has brought me to my knees like nothing else.

And if nothing else, I have learned this. I NEED GOD'S GLASSES. Put another way, I need his perfect lens. :)

I need his perfect lens to help me peer inside of that beautiful bubble. To truly see what lies within.

I need his perfect lens to peel back the myriad of imperfect life layers so that I can snatch glimpses of what He so clearly sees every moment of every day.

I need to see through the mist and fog and sometimes torrential downpours of non-communication. I need more than rose colored glasses. I NEED GOD'S GLASSES. His perfect lens.

Sometimes I look at Quincie and I beam. My heart simply BURSTS with pride; so much so that I can hardly contain it. I love her sweetness, sparkle and shine. I love that she is content simply to be. I love that she is a dutiful daughter. I love her simplicity. I truly love her smile.

I love her contagious belly laughter. I love how she hugs me so ferociously that sometimes I think she will surely break through to sinew and bone. I LOVE MY BEAUTIFUL BUBBLE GIRL.

I marvel at this mostly silent warrior who has survived so much. Abandonment, orphanage, five surgeries in five years. All without complaint or ill will. Quincie doesn't hold grudges. She loves and lives wholeheartedly, even with reckless abandon.

Sometimes I wonder at my deep desire to Pop! this beautiful bubble of hers. Is it wrong of me? Am I ultimately doing her a disservice? In my holiest of moments I am proud simply to be the mama of a special needs child. I am grateful that I was given such a precious gift, a child that the world had abandoned. God's perfect lens. :) Post 4 of 7..

A Beautiful Bubble...Post 3

2011-12-26T20:16:00.009-06:00

Non-communication is a monster. It robs parents and child of something that seems quintessential to our natures, the fibers of our beings and our very shared existence together.

I feel stuck in my relationship with Quincie. Perhaps it is better to say that I feel I do not know how to progress.

We can cuddle. We can share sweet moments. We can laugh out loud and smile and giggle and play silly games together. But...that's about it really.

Communication is a vital part of any relationship. Its how we grow with someone.

I love my daughter. I love her sweetness and silliness and smiles and laughter. I am THANKFUL for her sweetness and silliness and smiles and laughter.

Yet...my heart still longs to know her better. To swap stories and share secrets. To find out what makes her tick. To know her innermost longings and even whimsical in the moment moods and fancies.

When will she tell me? Will she ever tell me? Post 3 of 7...

A Beautiful Bubble...Post 2

2011-12-26T19:48:00.013-06:00

However, we are certainly not where we want to be, which is on the other side of language. Three and one half years later - after we brought her home in June 2008 - Quincie is still mostly non-communicative. Her dwelling place is inside of that beautiful bubble.

Quincie is not accustomed to communicating with others. Communication was not an integral part of her first formative years. She learned to exist without it. Hence, communication is simply not important to Quincie.

We were mystified when Quincie did not seem the least bit interested in the sign language that surrounded her those two and one half years of preschool at our state deaf school. How could this be? Why didn't she crave it?

Perhaps a better question would be, Why would she?

She had never known what it was to express her opinion. She didn't know that she could share her feelings with someone else. She had no inkling that such things as concepts, syllables and words even exist.

She could not even begin to fathom or comprehend something as complex as language...or that everyone has a voice. The language that most of us learn and absorb naturally before two years of age, and subsequently take very much for granted, was, and for the most part still is, alien to her.

We hope against hope that our Quincie will be the exception. The one that defies the odds and beats every rather formidable statistic that is stacked up so firmly against her. I used to believe that with reckless abandon. Now...I'm not so sure anymore. Post 2 of 7...

A Beautiful Bubble...Post 1

2011-12-26T19:28:00.008-06:00

I haven't been able to get these words out of my head for weeks now. They are the words my dear friend Grandma Evelyn spoke to me to best describe the world that Quincie lives in. :)

We just celebrated our fourth Christmas with our six year old Quincie, so here I am at the close of another year, carefully pondering my sentiments and wondering what words to choose for this series of posts.

2011 has been our best year with Quincie, hands down. We have moved mountains and witnessed miracles. Two mightily fought for and finally won cochlear implant surgeries. Quincie's initiation into the world of sound. Finding our very own Annie Sullivan. Emergence. These have been victories. We have much to be thankful for and many reasons to celebrate this past year. Post 1 of 7...

Oh Rudolph! Postscript :)

2011-12-08T14:33:00.009-06:00

Our struggle with Quincie's non-communication is still the single most overwhelming factor in our lives. I don't like to end things on a lemon drop sour note though. I'd rather end on a peppermint candy sweet note.

Quincie has and continues to make significant gains in public school. Her first semester was super duper in fact! :) Mostly when prompted at home she will voice attempt and sign a few words. Mom, I want, etc.

I was hoping she would initiate more by this point, but that is simply not how it is. At all. It is extremely rare that Quincie initiates a signed plus voice attempted word or phrase. Of course there are huge smiles and praises when she does. But 99.9% of the time we have to drag it out of her. For the most part our ears are besieged with grunts and groans, and Tinkerbell dolls and Rudolph plush toys are roughly shoved into our faces.

IT IS TRULY A MIRACLE THAT COCHLEAR IMPLANTS WORKED. Regrettably on the heels of that statement I must add that they came at least 3 years, more like 4-5 years, too late. But still, we TRULY REJOICE in the simple fact that Quincie can hear and respond to her name. One night Brent called up the stairs to her, and a few seconds later she popped out of her bedroom and appeared at the top of the stairs. WOW! :)

We truly do believe that language / communication will happen for Quincie. The extent of it yet remains to be seen. Six years without a foundation of language is nothing short of MONUMENTAL to try to overcome. In our wildest of dreams Quincie will go to college, achieve a career and communicate with others as effortlessly as is possible considering her circumstances. Some days we must confess this seems like a real s-t-r-e-t-c-h of the imagination.

What if that doesn't happen for her? my aching heart worries and wonders. We'll manage. We'll make it work. She'll make it work. :)

This is much, much, MUCH more daily grind work than I ever dreamed I'd have to put into communication. Is it worth it? YES. Even though not every monster moment can be sugarcoated, yes. It is still worth it. We have never before known this level of SACRIFICE. But sometimes when I can think of nothing else...that is what I hold onto.

THERE IS JOY IN THIS UNEASY JOURNEY OF SACRIFICE.

It doesn't mean that all of my wishes will come true as regards my relationship with my daughter. But it DOES mean that ultimately there is REAL JOY in helping others. In bringing them to a better place, even if that place is not where or what or why or how we thought it would be...for her or for us. :)

It does mean that every seemingly insignificant triumph is worthy of celebration. No matter how small. It truly is a matter of perspective. About the lens we choose to look through. Sometimes it is every bit as much about celebrating a pathetically voice attempted I want as it is about changing my focus.

I have many unfulfilled wishes on my Quincie Christmas list. But I am glad she is here. I am grateful that she has a home and a forever family who loves her, and that she loves us and demonstrates that in her own way in return. I am grateful that we have been given the opportunity to make a difference in her life, to see significant events unfold for her.

I am thankful for Q's trademark sweetness and laughter and those peppermint candy sweet moments. :) I am thankful for Quincie. Not for deafness, not for developmental delays, not for heart conditions, not for non-communication. But for this daughter, I am truly thankful. :)

Oh Rudolph! Post 5

2011-12-08T13:32:00.008-06:00

After reprimands for being too rough, plus my futile attempts to get Quincie to communicate by signing and / or voice attempting the simple word same, I left Q in the TV room and shuffled, completely deflated by our latest monster moment, into the kitchen to begin supper.

A while later Brent was in the kitchen, and after her movie was over Quincie came in with Rudolph. Brent grinned at her and said, Is that Rudolph? He then continued his conversation with me. Quincie ran up to where her Daddy was standing, took Rudolph and absolutely WHACKED him on the hand with her new toy. Again, she was excited. Again, this is an unacceptable display / attempt? at communication.

She actually clobbered him right on the knuckle with the only hard plastic part of the plush toy, which just happens to be Rudolph's bright, shiny red nose. Ouch. It hurt. Now Brent had to turn around and reprimand his daughter. And of course it is much more painful on an emotional than physical level for we as her parents.

We want to rejoice right along with Q over her new Christmas plush toy, not have it repetitively and roughly shoved into our faces or be clobbered with it. We want to SHARE in her enthusiasm and excitement, not be quite literally on the blunt receiving end of it.

That is the way of things though. At least the way things are for us right now. We continue to hope that one day soon it will be different. That someday Quincie can and will communicate. That someday episodes like Rudolph will be only an unpleasant and very distant! Christmas memory.

Its still a darling plush toy. Quincie still loves it dearly and carries it with her everywhere she goes. I still giggle when I think about her leaping around her room at 3:37am making her beloved new reindeer friend fly through the air. Actually that makes me belly laugh out loud, just like the jolly, snow bearded guy in the red suit. :)

There are sweet moments we are given on these forlorn paths. They help offset the monster moments.

It is more a force of will really. To choose to cling to the sweet and eschew the sour and the bitter from our spirits. To continue on each day. To wake up each morning and try to conjure up positive thoughts about our particular plight with delays and deafness, and all of the unfortunate events that have conspired to land us in this tricky spot.

Some days it is an incredible force of will simply to choose to smile, especially while she grunts and groans and plays too rough nearby.

ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR MY DAUGHTER TO COMMUNICATE WITH ME. :)

Think Santa has that packed onto his sleigh for me Rudolph?

If any reader knows a warrior parent who is dealing with special needs, or a friend who is suffering from illnesses or adversities, say an extra prayer for them this holiday season. I can guarantee that s/he needs it! :)

Oh Rudolph! Post 4

2011-12-08T12:30:00.007-06:00

This is pretty typical of the chaos of non-communication. There are a myriad of much worse scenarios. I know good and well there are warrior parents out there who have and continue to suffer at the beastly hands of non-communication much, much MUCH more than me.

But this is our piece of it. This is our experience with retrocochlear deafness and severe developmental delays. This is our story with our Q-Baby.

The Rudolph incident was a perfect example of how something that should have been sweet fast became sour. Rather than enjoy a classic Christmas show together, I ended up scolding Quincie. No. It was not ok to repeatedly shove Rudolph into my face, nor loudly grunt into my ear. That is not communication. That is not acceptable behavior.

Situations like this are difficult on lotsa levels. My heart breaks for my daughter. She is six years old, and cannot acceptably communicate to me that she is excited about her new plush toy. Neither can Quincie communicate to me that she is sick or hurting. She simply does not understand that language can convey those facts or ideas or concepts.

This is also the stuff that makes warrior parents weary. Any parent of a special needs child is by default a warrior parent. We have so many battles to face. Molehills become mountains in a moment because non-communication is such a monster. Dealing with issues like this day...after day...after day. In its simplest form, it wears a person out. Continued in next post...

Oh Rudolph! Post 3

2011-12-08T12:16:00.005-06:00

Yes, my Q is still mostly non-communicative. I write those words out a lot in my blog, but I am recording this so that persons can understand what it really means. This is a perfect case in point.

Q simply would not stop thrusting that plush toy into my face. Because she was extremely excited she was also excessively loud, adding her little Frankenstein monster grunting to the constant, rather rough shoving of the plush toy into my face.

Quincie, I see it. I see Rudolph. Quincie. I see him here and there, just like you do. Quincie. Its THE SAME, isn't it? Quincie. This Rudolph in your hand is the same Rudolph on TV. Quincie. Sign same. Quincie. Sign it with me, SAME. Can you say it Quincie? SAME. Quincie!

More grunting. More thrusting. She wouldn't stop. I was desperately trying to insert some communication into our non-communicative scene.

THIS IS WHAT NON-COMMUNICATION IS.

Its scenarios just like this one, plus so much more. Its when a child cannot, or does not or will not, communicate with language. Rather the child grunts or barks or thrusts or shoves or all of the above at the exact same time. This is the harsh reality of non-communication. This is what is slowly draining the life out of me three plus years later. This is when it hurts the most. Continued in next post...

Oh Rudolph! Post 2

2011-12-08T12:05:00.003-06:00

Yes, my Q-Baby was smitten and head over heels in love with this lovable red-nosed reindeer. She also knew she was in trouble for being out of her bed playing with him in the middle of the night!

Brent put Rudolph on Mallie's new Disney princess table at the foot of her bed and made it clear to Quincie that that's where he would stay til next morning. I think Q knew her Daddy meant business, because when I came in at 7am next morning to get her dressed that's exactly where Rudolph was. Across the room on the princess table.

Q tried to sneak Rudolph into her backpack of course, but I caught her and told her that Rudolph had to stay home while Quincie went to school. The last thing I wanted was for Rudolph to tag along to school and get lost. :)

The next night Rudolph got a bit pushy. Q came home and practically ran upstairs to find her new best friend. Then she came downstairs and indicated that she wanted to watch a movie. She kept pointing to her new plush Rudolph toy, then the TV. Clever girl! She wanted to watch Rudolph on TV. I got it!

I put the movie in and sat down to watch it for a few minutes with her. Q of course was ecstatic that her plush toy was real and live inside the television. She was standing beside me and kept shoving Rudolph into my face, literally. Enter special needs into our otherwise Currier and Ives, or more accurately in this case Burl Ives :) perfect Christmas scene. Continued in next post...

Oh Rudolph! Post 1

2011-12-08T09:53:00.003-06:00

Aunt C babysat Quincie for us the night of Cory's play. It was enough of a stretch to bring Wade and Mallie, though they admittedly fared far better than we thought the almost two hours we were there. We knew there was absolutely no way Quincie could sit through a 90 minute middle school production though, so thankfully Aunt C came to our rescue yet again. THANK YOU AUNT C! :)

Aunt C was a good auntie that night. Quincie came home with a smile on her face, a skip in her step, a braid in her hair...and Rudolph. :)

Cousin Owen bequeathed one of his now not so fave ;) Christmas plush toys to his dear cousin, and she LOVES it. Q would not let go of this new toy. She held tight to it while her Daddy brushed her teeth. It went into the bathroom with her for one last potty break before bed. Rudolph was tucked snugly 'neath the covers with Quincie and settled in for a good night's sleep the first night in his new home. Or...so we thought!

At 3:30am we heard someone to go to the bathroom. No biggie, except that it woke us up. ;O A few minutes later we heard a noise. A Quincie noise. What was going on? We listened some more and heard more noises emanating from the darkened room across the hall. Hmmmm...

Brent finally got up to go check things out. He opened the door to find a completely awake and practically giddy Quincie running and leaping around her room with Rudolph in hand. She was making him fly around her room at night! Cute when we mused upon it next morning...but at 3:37am in the middle of the night...not nearly so cute. Continued in next post...

Boys to Men...Post 2

2011-12-08T09:24:00.010-06:00

My second eldest also impressed us this past week. :) Cory was involved in his all school (middle school) play, a comedic production entitled Romeo and Winnifred. Cory played Abraham, a modern day Montague who along with his gang of five or six Montague cousins, one of them of course being Romeo :) worked in a department store.

It was a fun play, and I know I'm Mom and biased, but WOW! Cory did an ABSOLUTELY AMAZING JOB! :) He delivered all of his lines clearly. He seemed completely at ease up on that stage. Plus Cory and his cohorts made all of us laugh when they characteristically rather prudishly danced to Stayin' Alive. It was just plain AWESOME.

And it was definitely another landmark moment for this bursting at the seams PROUD mama. :) It was such a neat experience; to be seated in the audience with my family, plus Ray and Evelyn Grandma :) Mac and our friend Cole, and watch in wonderment as that taller kid, who not so long ago it seems I used to sling up onto my hip and tuck into his blue, race car toddler bed each night, was wearing HIS DAD'S SUIT - it was only a smidge too big on him I might add - and having a terrific time performing up on stage alongside his friends.

TREMENDOUS JOB COREO! :) We are so proud of the young men our two eldest boys are becoming. Everyone who knows them sings their praises. They are known as responsible, respectable and simply all around good kids. Good teens. And all too fast growing up. From boys to men. :)

Boys to Men...Post 1

2011-12-08T08:42:00.007-06:00

This is a couple of posts dedicated to my two big boys, who continue to prove to me in rather marvelous ways that they are growing up.

We had a situation arise recently in which I emailed Tate's Calculus teacher, Mr. P, about some assignments he had labeled in his grade log as NHI, or Not Handed In. Tate told us that he had turned the assignments in, plus had talked to Mr. P about said assignments; but, as the latest progress report email proved, the issue had obviously not been resolved. Thus, my response email to Mr. P.

We emailed back and forth a couple of times, Mr. P and I. Tate came home from school one afternoon and said, Hey Mom, did you email Mr. P today? Surprised I responded, Um yeah, I did. But how did you know that? A rather perturbed teen of mine answered, Cuz we were reviewing in class when all of a sudden on the overhead projector Mr. P got an inbox notice that read, From Allie Bestwick, Re: Tate Bestwick. ;O

I had to gulp and giggle all at the same time on this one. Seriously? I asked, trying not to laugh out loud. Yeah! replied my embarrassed teen. Tate also proceeded to tell me that he couldn't help but let a rather audible, Oh great! escape his lips in class at that particular TEEN HORRIFIC MOMENT, to which Mr. P responded, Don't worry Tate; I think you and Anuj were the only ones paying attention and actually saw that :) Thank you way cool Calculus teacher from one in hot water momma.

What happened next TOTALLY IMPRESSED ME. Tate said, Mom, I'm a sophomore. I can fight my own battles. I really don't want my Mommy fighting them for me. WHOA! It was just one of those landmark moments. It stopped me dead in my tracks. He was right. He was absolutely right.

I told him I was exceedingly proud of him for taking responsibility for his own grades and resolving disputed assignment issues with his teachers. I had to insert a small disclaimer, so I added that from here on out, I would become involved only IF a situation arose in which a final letter grade was at stake. Otherwise, I was content to let Tate handle it. On his own. ;)

My buddy. My eldest. My boy. He's not such a little boy anymore, is he? :)

Continued in next post...

Banana Pops On Thanksgiving Anyone? Post 3

2011-11-27T21:18:00.002-06:00

It was nice to have some uninterrupted time to spend with just our family this holiday. We were able to play some board games together...and cook of course. :)

We all enjoyed sleeping in a bit Thanksgiving morning. Tate took a run with a buddy of his mid-morning. We played a couple of games. Brent worked on some stuff in the garage. There was a lot of Wii going on. :) We watched a movie. And Wade found the second recipe he wanted to make: Yogurt Banana Pops, another frozen treat.

This kitchen adventure turned out to be THE HIGHLIGHT of my holiday. Quincie joined in this time too, so I had all three of my littles around our little nook table...and we all had A GRAND TIME.

Some of my absolute all time fave memories with Tate and Cory were kitchen memories. Perhaps that was made those Yogurt Banana Pops extra special to me. It was truly carrying on a heartfelt and sentimental tradition with the next set of kiddos. :)

The kiddies LOVED mashing up the bananas. We were having so much fun we quadrupled the recipe so that the kids could mash up four bananas instead of just one. They really did a terrific job. Mallie got to pour in the milk and Wade got to measure out and then scoop the yogurt into our big silver mixing bowl.

Everyone had four Dixie cups and a plastic bowl and a spoon. And there were more than enough lollipop sticks to go around. All three kiddos did a great job of filling up their fishy Dixie cups, inserting their lollipop sticks and even transporting the cups to the freezer. Wade really wanted to surprise his Daddy with our Thanksgiving meal dessert. So it was unfortunate that we had to put a few of our cups into the freezer in the garage where Dad was. :O

Unfortunately we didn't really like how our Yogurt Banana Pops tasted. But I told Wade it didn't matter. They had been OODLES AND OODLES OF FUN to make. :) How we loved making our very non-traditional Thanksgiving treats!

We're not gonna lie. We rather enjoyed our stay at home Turkey Day this year. Though we missed seeing family, its never exactly a dull house around here. We hope everyone had a wonderful Thanksgiving holiday!

Banana Pops On Thanksgiving Anyone? Post 2

2011-11-26T23:46:00.007-06:00

My sweet Wade checked out a kids first cookbook from the school library, and boy was he EXCITED to try out some recipes. He had been bugging me about it for days in fact.

As Wednesday November 23rd wore on it was becoming more and more obvious that we were kidding ourselves if we thought we were going anywhere the next day. Late that afternoon we made the call to cancel Thanksgiving with Brent's family.

I wasn't feeling terrific but decided to indulge Wade with making a first recipe out of his library cookbook. We chose the Frozen Fruit Cup recipe. Much to Wade's chagrin I did not have any Popsicle molds; but I did have some rather fun fishy Dixie cups, plus I had even gone out the day before especially to find some lollipop sticks. So even though we couldn't follow the recipe to the letter like Wade wanted to, even he had to agree those weren't too bad of a last minute save.

We - Mallie joined Wade in tackling his first culinary endeavor - made our first, fun, four ingredients recipe late in the afternoon. That meant we didn't get to taste them until about 9pm, but those frozen fruity treats were definitely worth the wait. Yumm-O! :) Wade was absolutely BEAMING at his first successful hand at "cooking." Continued in next post...

Banana Pops On Thanksgiving Anyone? Post 1

2011-11-26T23:28:00.006-06:00

This has been one of our sick years, otherwise translated we've gotten sick a lot. ;O

We've had to cancel several weekend suppers and game nights with friends this fall, and remember we only barely salvaged Halloween.

We normally spend Thanksgiving with Brent's family, but...not this year.

This was the first year in many, many, many years that we were home for Turkey Day. In fact when we thought about it, we couldn't remember ever being home for this particular holiday.

Mallie and I had rather dreadful colds. In fact Mallie coughed practically non-stop all of Thanksgiving Day.

Since our plans had changed only the night before the holiday I wasn't exactly prepared to cook the traditional Thanksgiving Day meal. So we improvised, and rather well at that I might add.

What truly made the holiday for me though was a fun frozen Popsicle recipe that the three littles worked together to make. It was a rare treat in lots of ways. Continued in next post...

I Want... :)

2011-11-26T20:31:00.004-06:00

This has become my focus phrase with Quincie as regards SPEECH in our home. :)

Q does not volunteer these spoken syllables. On the contrary, they usually have to be pried out of her and some days, many times over in a single situation / word transaction.

Q comes close to pronouncing the 'I' sound. Want isn't terrific by any stretch, but we know what her best voice attempt is and we do our best to hold her to it.

Some days Q doesn't mind humoring us. Other days its like pulling teeth.

Here is a typical Fall 2011 interaction with Quincie. Quincie sees her brother Wade devouring a seasonal Honeycrisp Apple. Quincie points to the apple. Tsk tsk Q. You can do better than that!

I mimic her pointing, shake my head and sign no. Q looks a tad deflated but valiantly forges ahead on her quest for the holy grail of apples.

She points to the middle of her chest with her index finger and voice attempts the single syllable word I. Sometimes she dazzles me the first time. Oftentimes she tries to phone it in, or put another way, lamely tosses out Uh instead of her best voice attempted I. So it begins...and we take turns saying I until I am satisfied that she has said it to the absolute best of her ability.

Then we move on. Want. Q signs want and we almost always have a series of redoes on this voice attempted word. Most of Q's words sound like Uh actually. Especially if she doesn't try. But when she does try, then we hear glimmers of 'w' and 'ah' and 'ee' and 'oo' and on banner nights even a darn good deaf rendition of the word mom...or perhaps if we are really reaching, brush.

I won't yet declare that Q has had an official first word. She's definitely getting better at mom and I, but...she's just not there yet.

In speech Elizabeth is still focusing on basic syllables and sound bytes. They practice 'ah' and 'ee' or 'f' until Q succeeds in a certain number of trials or voice attempts. Again, this is primitive speech. The most basic of sounds...the tiniest pillars...the almost undetectable foundations that spoken words are built upon.

Keep building Q. We know you can! :)

Eleven Little Pumpkins...Post 5

2011-11-26T19:48:00.010-06:00

In summary, we feel we saw a few shimmers of light at the end of this long tunnel. Quincie is still certainly not communicating the way we had hoped she would be by this age / point in time. But she has made significant gains in only a little over nine weeks at public / district school. We never dreamed she'd be counting to twenty, BY HERSELF, before Christmas Break!

We've said it before, but we truly believe that Jo is our prayed for MIRACLE WORKER. And even Erin, our audiologist at Midwest Ear Institute, sings Elizabeth's praises. She is an OUTSTANDING speech teacher.

I can only dream of what it would have been like to have these persons and services available to us three years ago. Who knows where Q might be now? Certainly not (developmentally) four years behind her peers.

I know that is a fateful and dead end path; even though my mind continually roams back to run down it.

If ever there was a deaf kid who needed a chance at hearing, it is my Q Baby!

So...HERE WE ARE. Three mostly entirely wasted, full of mistakes and truly regrettable on so many levels years later, we are FINALLY at the place we needed to be all along. This is the place my Q can profit from and prosper in. This is the garden patch from whence she will BLOOM.

Bloom Baby. Bloom! :)

Eleven Little Pumpkins...Post 4

2011-11-26T15:27:00.003-06:00

More homework sheets came home over the Thanksgiving holiday break. I am tickled pink to report that Quincie again knocked our socks off. One homework grid type worksheet had four rows of five boxs each with the numbers 3, 7, 11, 15 and 18 pre-printed. This one made us nervous. Counting to twenty? Seriously Jo?

Q had a little trouble with 16-20 the first time through, but nailed 1-15. I was COMPLETELY BLOWN AWAY to watch as she counted 10-15. There is simply no other way to explain it.

I happened to have two of these worksheets, so after completing some in-between other counting worksheets I gave her the repeat count 1-20 grid worksheet. This time 16-20 rolled off of her fingers like an ocean breeze. Again, the most appropriate word I can think to insert here is...WOW! :)

There have been other sparks. Other happenings that have offered especially Brent glimmers of hope. One of our favorite moments occurred when late one afternoon Brent was getting ready to head out for an errand right as Quincie's bus arrived. He was obviously stuck in the driveway for a minute or so until the bus left.

Brent had happened to park his truck so that he was facing the street, or put another way he did not have to back out. Quincie got off of the bus, spied her Daddy inside of his truck watching her, deliberately walked a short few steps and very purposefully stood at the end of the driveway so as to block her Daddy in.

Next she threw her arms open wide, so her little body made a big X, and with a HUGE GRIN on her face laughed and laughed out loud some more as she playfully dared her Daddy to cross her so to speak. It was brilliant.

I had thought it was cute and funny. Brent confided to me later that it meant much more to him than that. It was something real. It was appropriate playful interaction. Quincie had behaved...just the way her Daddy had hoped she would. It was significant, meaningful; a marvelous shining star type moment shared between them.

That is the best of my Q. Those are the moments when my heart is bursting with pride. Those are the rather watershed events that will carry us through this its not over yet rough patch. We cling to these wished for and sought after happenings on dreary days when sweetness isn't enough. We thank God for these tiny miracles that mean so much. Continued in next post...

Eleven Little Pumpkins...Post 3

2011-11-26T15:08:00.004-06:00

Brent was simply dumbfounded when I relayed what had happened to him that night. Q was already in bed and I had to send the homework sheet back to school next morning, but I made sure to request a second sheet be sent home so that we could recreate a repeat performance for Q's Daddy, who desperately wanted to see if I was telling the truth or not. :) Of course he believed me; but there is something to be said to seeing something with one's own eyes...

Next time we had a chance to sit down and revisit those eleven little pumpkins two or three nights had passed, but no matter. Q played her part perfectly. She counted out eleven little pumpkins, much to her Daddy's delight. :) Whew!

This second homework sheet marked another turning point as it were. We found ourselves at yet another crossroads, but this time we were staring down a much happier fork in the road . ;)

We had glimpsed it. Seen a spark. Could it be? Dare we get our hopes up?

Jo kept telling me that Quincie could do this, we just needed proof. Here it was in these marvelous eleven little pumpkins.

It is a difficult position to be in, the one in which a weary and broken parent must receive the good news of his or her child's accomplishments and achievements from other persons. We have long held this unenviable position...and are extremely eager to be promoted out of it. Continued in next post...

Eleven Little Pumpkins...Post 2

2011-11-26T14:52:00.002-06:00

I sat Quincie down at the nook with pencil and paper in hand, instructed her to write her name where indicated on the homework sheet and continued my hustle and bustle routine in the kitchen. I needed to finish up one tiny thing; then I could sit down and give her my mostly undivided attention.

I turned around to head back to the nook and stopped dead in my tracks. What was that her hand was doing? If I was not mistaken, it looked as if Quincie was making the number six with her fingers. I must be seeing things. It simply couldn't be. Yet I stood still as a statue in the middle of my kitchen while a breathless second passed. Seven. Allie's jaw drops to the floor. Eight. Allie picks herself up off of the floor. Nine...

I rushed to the table to see what she was counting. Pumpkins. Eleven orange pumpkins in three rows inside of a grid of Thanksgiving themed items.

Quincie seemed a bit stuck on going from nine to ten. Maybe I had just startled her. I waited a moment and she looked expectantly up at me. I did have to sign the number ten first, then eleven. But after we counted those last two orange pumpkins together and she had written the number eleven, I asked her to count the pumpkins again so that I could witness this rather historic event from start to finish. She did it. How I wished Brent had been home to see it...Continued in next post...

Eleven Little Pumpkins...Post 1

2011-11-26T13:11:00.005-06:00

Eleven little pumpkins...that changed the world. :) Well, that's a bit dramatic. But I do have a rather good story about eleven little pumpkins that did in fact change some things...

Shortly before the Thanksgiving holiday Jo sent home another practice "homework" sheet with Quincie. Oh boy!

It was a previous sent home practice "homework" sheet that had dramatically changed Brent's perception of Quincie's cognitive abilities. That previous homework sheet was the proverbial straw that broke the camel's back as it were. The same homework sheet that dictated a turning point in how we had to process the seemingly grim facts of our own harsh reality with Quincie, manage our fragile expectations, sort a few weary feelings out. Summed up, that one little piece of paper did a whole lot of damage. So really Jo? Another homework sheet?

Brent was out one particular evening, so I thought it might be a good time to give this homework thing another shot. If Q failed miserably again, at least Brent wasn't here to witness it and I didn't have to tell him about it just yet. :) Continued in next post...

Two Teens Driving :)

2011-11-26T12:01:00.003-06:00

The day before Thanksgiving Brent took Cory to get his learner's permit. When they arrived in the middle of the afternoon there were 92 people ahead of them. What would we do without cell phones to pass the time these days?

Fortunately they stuck it out, and we are proud to report that we now have TWO TEEN DRIVERS in the house. It was rather a close call though.

Cory forgot his glasses, and barely, barely passed the eye test. His Daddy wasn't terribly pleased with him for that one. Cory also missed the maximum number of questions allowed, but...after waiting almost three hours he was rewarded for his efforts. Those hours of studying had finally paid off. He successfully secured his learner's permit. Hooray! :)

Cory can only drive with adult supervision right now, but time will pass quickly enough; then I will wistfully watch from the window as that little boy almost all grown up now drives off by himself, just like his big brother does now.

These are telltale milestones that belie that my bigs are growing up. Its frightening when I think about it really. How few years my two oldest boys have left at home with us. Here's hoping we make the most of them...

Quincie's Tea Party...Post 5

2011-11-06T22:38:00.008-06:00

Here I want to include a wonderfully sweet sentiment by a same age kindergarten boy in our neighborhood, whose Mom I just happen to be best friends with. :) Her little man told her one night that he had been praying that God would help Quincie to talk so that they (neighborhood kids) could understand her. ;) If that didn't melt this Mama's heart. Thanks little man down the street. I pray the same thing buddy! :)

Until that day comes though, if it ever does come, we are so incredibly and sincerely grateful for Q's classroom companions at her elementary school. Under the direction and guidance of teachers there who are super skilled in almost seamlessly blending hearing and deaf kids under one classroom umbrella, Q is finding a path to carve out and call her own. She is succeeding in this endeavor. With much, much help of course. :)

All of this from a birthday tea party. Extraordinary! :)

Tonight I am exceedingly grateful for one little girl who purposefully extended an invitation to her classmate / friend who is different. I am equally excessively grateful for the prayers of a little boy on our block who has fervently prayed for this child of mine who is different. All of us have the same end in mind. WE WANT TO KNOW QUINCIE. Really know her. Talk to her. Play with her. Communicate with her. Share with her. Sing with her. Laugh with her. Live with her. Love her.

The End. :)

Quincie's Tea Party...Post 4

2011-11-06T22:24:00.002-06:00

Of course Quincie stands out in her classroom setting. She has a full time para-professional in Marcella, who is her constant adult companion throughout her school day. Q also leaves the classroom to receive speech and d/hh services each day, and I'm pretty sure her five and six year old peers have noticed by now that Quincie doesn't talk... :)

However, at this school that is just the way it is. It is accepted. It is natural. That is how this particular full day kindergarten class began their schoolyear...and that is how they will end it.

Quincie is a part of that class. A seemingly valued, perhaps even sought after? part of that class. Those wonderful little kindergarten persons have found a way to include her, even go the next step and befriend her. Maybe I need to go over there and take some notes!

This elementary school makes mainstream education possible for kids like my Quincie. That is their job. And they are pretty much nothing short of AWESOME at that job. :)

It is another rather bittersweet pill for this Mama to swallow. That in all probability Q most likely feels much more accepted / included / a part of her class at school than she does in her own neighborhood. But, it is what it is as my sage hubby so often says about this little one. Continued in next post...

Quincie's Tea Party...Post 3

2011-11-06T22:10:00.005-06:00

Perhaps it seems surprising that I am so surprised by all of these rather glowing sentiments of genuine goodwill, perhaps even invitations of friendship ;) towards my littlest girl by her so very young classmates. Truthfully, I am.

I mentioned once previously that Q's classmates have embraced her. This has indeed come as a surprise to us, and that is because of Quincie's experiences in our neighborhood.

Quincie is certainly not embraced in her own neighborhood, though all of the kids have made several attempts to include her in years past. Sort of like us here at home however, their attempts at communication / inclusion have been met with vacant stares, averted gazes or simply no response at all. ;( Sadly, after so many seemingly futile attempts, our neighborhood friends gave up. They still care about Quincie; they simply do not know how to reach her, nor embrace her.

Q's kindergarten experience has been markedly and marvelously different.

Quincie came into that classroom a brand new student, just like everyone else. There were no pre-established friendships nor first families nor preferred positions; everyone began as equals.

Of course Q's elementary school is also the designated d/hh - deaf / hard of hearing - elementary school in our district. This is the place to go for the best d/hh services, and seemingly inclusion of deaf students in a classroom setting. :) Have we mentioned how wonderfully impressed we are with Quincie's new school? Continued in next post...

Quincie's Tea Party...Post 2

2011-11-06T21:54:00.003-06:00

The day of the party finally arrived. Unlike the other girls attending Quincie had absolutely no idea that she was going to a birthday tea party that Sunday afternoon November 6th. I could have signed and said to her every day for two weeks, You got invited to a birthday party! But she would not have comprehended what I was trying to communicate to her. Such is our reality world of non-communication.

Quincie picked up the gift bag and hopped in the van. We drove quite a ways to get to this tea party, as Lake's grandmother was hosting it at her house and she lived a bit farther away.

We happened to pull up at the same time as another little girl, and Quincie was splendidly surprised to see one of her classmates outside of school. She ran up and gave said classmate a hug, then they walked into the house together.

A little girl (I wasn't sure if it was the birthday girl or not) announced that Quincie was here. Wow! Again, I was shocked. Quincie's arrival was worthy of an announcement? Really?

I came back two hours later and Shana told me that the girls had had a magnificent time. She said that Quincie was very easy to manage / get along with, and added that she went back to the dress up box more than anyone else!

She then asked me if I knew any of Quincie's classmates very well, to which I truthfully responded, No, I do not. Shana then shared that she parent volunteers in the classroom from time to time, and that she has also gone along on a couple of class field trips.

Next she proceeded to tell me that all of her classmates pitch in to help take care of Quincie. She said the little girls share her, and that one little girl in particular, Riley, is almost possessive of Quincie; so much so that Shana wonders if working with handicapped children might be something in Riley's future. :)

Once again, I was simply astounded, if not dumbfounded, at news of all of this. Really? Continued in next post...

Quincie's Tea Party...Post 1

2011-11-06T20:58:00.004-06:00

Quincie received an invitation to a birthday tea party from one of her classmates a couple of weeks ago in the mail. My initial inclination is always to decline birthday invitations for Quincie. There are lots of reasons for this, but as anyone could perhaps guess, non-communication is the #1 reason. How can my six year old attend a birthday party when she cannot communicate with anyone who will be present?

For some reason this wonderfully ornate, girly and handmade invitation gave me pause though. This wasn't an ordinary Chuck E. Cheese birthday party. The girls were going to dress up and actually have a tea party. I couldn't deny it. Quincie would love that...

I emailed the mother and explained our situation. Much to my surprise and delight, the mother emailed back that her little girl had expressed that she really, really wanted Quincie to come to her party; but she was sad thinking that because none of them knew sign language, Quincie would not be able to come.

My first response in reading this email was truthfully that of total surprise. It honestly floored me that this classmate of Quincie's really wanted my Q to come to her party that much. Quincie's classroom teacher has told me before that Q's classmates adore her, but I wasn't entirely sure I believed it. However, this little yellow invitation and heartfelt email seemed to be proof positive of that very fact.

My second response was to laugh out loud that this sweet little classmate also thought that not knowing sign would be a show-stopper. In a perfect world, perhaps. In our reality, no. :)

I sat and thought for a moment. Then I emailed Shana (Mom) back and said that Quincie would love to attend Lake's birthday party. :) Continued in next post...

Practically Perfect Weekend...Post 5

2011-11-06T00:06:00.002-05:00

Our big boys came back home to us around 2pm Sunday afternoon. They had had a marvelous time away from home. I truly LOVE and sincerely appreciate that my kids have opportunities like that.

It struck me this weekend what a different kiddo Wade is when his big brothers are not around. He gets to be a kid. Just a little boy. He doesn't have to try to keep pace with teenage brothers who are years older than him. He doesn't have to compete with so many voices to be heard. He doesn't have to fit into their molds. Rather, he gets to be simply...himself. :)

I was a little wistful that Wade's rather wonderful weekend was over. Not that he doesn't love his brothers...nor that they are not pretty incredible big brothers to hang out with and look up to. Its just that...he tries so hard to be BIG when they are around. I wish I could find a way to keep him littler a little longer I guess. :)

The boys hadn't been home for very long when the screamo music was blaring again and Cory was rockin' his drums, seemingly louder than ever. Yes. Our bigs were back in the house! :) As it should be.

All seven of us had made the most of our practically perfect weekend. For a brief few hours we explored and enjoyed what was different; then comfortably settled back into what was the same. Such is life I suppose!

Practically Perfect Weekend...Post 4

2011-11-05T23:18:00.010-05:00

The girls got up Saturday morning and spontaneously threw themselves a tea party in their room. Its almost a rare treat when Mallie plays with her sister. Its not necessarily easy to enjoy a tea party, nor most other activities, with a sister who is non-communicative. So, when it does happen, it is a memory that is more precious than most.

We had an incredibly and much needed lazy Saturday morning. Then after lunch, at Rina's prompting, we took a walk on our beloved trail. It had been simply ages since we had been able to walk with Rina. It was nothing short of glorious to fall back into our old familiar footfalls...

It felt like we hadn't missed a beat. or perhaps more accurately even a month. It was fun remembering when we had last explored this particular off trail path. We laughed about other adventures we'd had on other familiar paths as yellow and brown leaves fluttered to the ground around us.

Trail days with my three best girlsies will always be one of my absolute favorite memories from my girls's childhoods. :) I truly wish that Mallie would always be light enough for me to carry...so that I could continue to blissfully nestle my face into her long golden hair as the cool November sun shined tentatively down upon us...that these adventures would never ever ever grow old to the incomparably compassionate and sweet Rina...and that I could forever be only footsteps behind my abundantly enthusiastic Quincie as with all of her little might she struggled to keep up with the other two girls...or smiled mischievously up at me as she was about to plunge her foot into a shallow stream and get her socks, shoes and little brown feet soaking wet. I wish I could capture each practically perfect trail moment and never have to let it slip through the hourglass sands of time. I wish I could hold onto these simplest and most perfect of little girl childhood days forever...Oh how I wish that. :)

We explored several off trail paths and the girls had a grand time. It was practically perfect fall weather outside which lended to another marvelous walk. We came home practically perfectly contented, already planning our next walk.

Brent made the nighttime fun by taking all three little kids out back and roasting marshmallows over the firepit. That is always a treat for all three little ones.

It was, overall, a relaxing Saturday. Not too many Saturdays feel relaxed anymore. Continued in next post...

Practically Perfect Weekend...Post 3

2011-11-05T21:41:00.013-05:00

What did the girlsies do while Wade and Luke played Wii practically non-stop? Fortunately it was relatively easy to deter Mallie from pestering her big brother and his friend. Plus! Friday night with our girlsies was truly practically perfect.

The boys were locked away upstairs in Wade's room, so it was just Brent, myself and our two girlsies. We popped some popcorn and ventured to play a game of Go Fish.

Even though Mallie and Quincie are virtual twins age wise, there is a HUGE developmental chasm that separates them in most activities. However, we wanted to give this one a shot.

Quincie was Brent's partner. She was much more interested in eating popcorn than she was at attempting to play a simple card game with us, but no matter. We made her participate, and felt it was a meaningful and significant time for the four of us. Not to mention fun.

We tossed popcorn across the table into each other's open mouths, and Quincie thought this was nothing short of hilarious. In between flying bits of popcorn we did make her sign and voice attempt the words Go Fish. Hopefully someday that will not be such a laborious effort on our parts. :)

Again, I was awestruck by how easy this simple activity was to manage and pull off because there were fewer of us in the house. The less people to manage, the more activities we can successfully achieve. My big boys aren't leaving just yet however; so for now we'll simply have to take advantage of opportunities like these that this practically perfect weekend extended to us. Continued in next post...

Practically Perfect Weekend...Post 2

2011-11-05T21:29:00.003-05:00

One of the best things about this entire weekend was a HUGE SURPRISE I was able to pull off for Wade. Wade has had a bit of trouble already this schoolyear with being bullied again. Things like that shatter a Mama's heart into a million pieces. His third grade teacher has been simply wonderful at offering ideas and interventions; and she has definitely helped us in our endeavor to keep these bigger kids from taunting and / or hurting my baby boy.

All of that to say, I thought Wade needed a treat. Something special. And since both of his brothers were out of the house I texted my neighbor across the street Friday afternoon to ask if Luke, also one of Wade's classmates, could come over for a sleepover that Friday night. Wade was absolutely thrilled to be able to have a buddy over, and he and Luke had a marvelous time together.

They played outside after school together Friday afternoon, then there was a non-stop Wii marathon up in Wade's bedroom that night. We let them stay up until almost midnight. Then it was time for bed.

The boys each told us they woke up about twenty times during the night :) then finally around 8am decided to stay up and begin another Wii marathon. They threw in a bit of air hockey to give themselves a screen break every once in a while, but for once this Mama didn't mind. My baby was having some much needed fun with a friend. That made my heart smile. :)

Luke was here almost 22 hours. Wade begged to have him sleep over again Saturday night November 5th...but I did have to say no to him that time. Continued in next post...

Practically Perfect Weekend...Post 1

2011-11-05T21:19:00.002-05:00

After a rather chaotic end to October, the first weekend in November was, as Mary Poppins would say, practically perfect in every way. :)

Our big boys were both out of the house for the weekend attending a Christian conference a couple of hours away. That left us with three littles...and may I take this opportunity to say, ITS SO EASY WITH ONLY THREE IN THE HOUSE! :)

I am always struck by what a difference even one kid being out of the house can make. But take away two...WOW.

Our house was simpler. Not so chaotic. Not so loud. Not so...stretched. Our mealtimes were not nearly as competitive. I could smile, nod and even laugh at the clock ticking away precious minutes because the weight of time passing wasn't nearly so stressful this weekend. Heaven knows I love those big boys of mine, but, well...maybe when they leave for college I won't be quite so lonesome as I thought! :) Continued in next post...

Learning To Trust The Teen...

2011-11-03T10:11:00.005-05:00

I'm oftentimes amazed at how much we learn as parents. :) When those wee ones grow up to become teenagers...we can learn a lot.

A typical discord between parents and teens is the later hours teens like to keep. Its ironic to be on the other end now. I used to be the teen staying up later than I should on school nights; but now I find that I am the fussy parent telling my two teens to GO TO BED!

Cory is a bit more willing to go to bed than his big brother. Cory likes his sleep. :) Tate on the other hand is a different story. It is not uncommon for him to begin homework at almost ten o'clock at night, a habit that tends to drive his usually tired parents NUTS.

It was an endless battle. Night...after night...after night. Finally Brent and I came to a realization. Tate is knocking his grades out of the park. Tate always gets up for school the next day, no matter how tired he is. Despite the fact that we don't necessarily like the hours he keeps, we simply could not deny all of the facts, which overwhelmingly are that Tate is doing an outstanding job at school.

So, we decided to ease up a bit. To loosen the reins. We decided to let go. To trust Tate to keep on doing what he is doing. :)

This must be part of the process. How it works I mean. Those littles grow up to become bigs...they challenge us...throw us curve balls...we work through issues together...we problem solve...then one day we as startled, older parents gaze in wonderment upon the now young adult standing there before us...a young person we are astoundingly proud of and love more than we ever thought possible...and we learn to let go.

Perhaps when the time comes, soon...we will be (more) ready to let him go. :)

My Sick Sassy Litttle Witch...

2011-11-02T14:51:00.004-05:00

I pretty much knew Monday night October 31st there was simply no way Mallie would make it to school on Tuesday November 1st. Even though the strep test was negative, she was still in pain, not to mention she had been slightly feverish off and on all Halloween.

Before I had gotten kids out the door to school Tuesday morning the phone rang. Krista, our WONDERFUL nurse, hadn't forgotten about Mallie. A cancel had been phoned in for 10am that morning and she had already put Mallie down. Thanks best nurse ever Krista!

In addition to her killer sore throat Mallie had developed a rash. What else was going to afflict my sick sassy little witch?

Mikey took one look at what I had labeled a rash and said it was textbook staph infection. ;O He said the sore throat was viral, but agreed it was nasty. Was I ever glad that Krista had worked us in.

Mallie and I picked up her antibiotic at Target afterwards, plus some Halls Berry Breezers throat lozenges. :) She was still in a lot of pain from her throat Tuesday afternoon, but between ibuprofen, Tylenol, Chloraseptic sore throat spray and our throat lozenges we almost kept her somewhat comfortable. :)

The school nurse told me that Mallie could come back to school around noon on Wednesday, so that is what we did. Mallie was wanting to stay home all of Wednesday, but...it was time to get back to school. We made cookies Wednesday morning and walked over to school after lunch. Mallie said she had never been this late to school before. :) Hopefully my little girl mends soon. All of her ailments lended to making it one heck of a Halloween weekend! :)

The Halloween That Almost Wasn't...Post 5

2011-11-02T14:37:00.003-05:00

The house right next to Owen B's as a matter of fact is just about the best / most decorated house to trick or treat at in our neighborhood. I asked Mallie if she thought she could make it the few extra blocks to Owen's house. Yes. She thought she could do it.

Quincie had simply BLOWN ME AWAY so far that Halloween night. Her endurance, stamina and balance were much better than the two years previous, and she was doing a terrific job at almost keeping up with her sister. :)

So, the three of us set out again. However, after the respite at my sis's house Q was wobbly and wanting to be carried. Nope. I took Q back to my sis, and of course Q didn't mind a bit. She was enjoying the fire pit and big inflatable in the cul de sac just as much as Aunt C was.

Mallie and I set off again as a twosome, and by the time we got to the cool house right next to Owen B's house my poor Mallie was beyond spent. She was clutching at her throat, shivering and just wanting to go home.

We made our way back up a long street towards our house. Mallie stopped at a couple of houses along the way. Then we cut through a back yard to go fetch Quincie from Aunt C's house. As luck would have it, right when we go there Wade showed up. Tom, Lauren's / Hermione's Dad :) was just about to walk him home.

So I left my sis's house with all three of my littles, which was sweet and fun. Wade is a die hard trick or treater like his Mama. He wasn't done yet! He drug his poor miserable sister down one more cul de sac before I finally absolutely insisted that we head home. Wade went ahead and trick or treated on our cul de sac as Mallie trudged up the street.

The Halloween that almost wasn't :) was over. Despite illnesses and ailments we had somehow managed to have yet another terrific year of trick or treating. I was just as excited as my wee ones! :)

Everyone got a few pieces of candy, but then it was up for baths and bedtime. :) We actually caught Q sneak back downstairs for another piece of candy ;O but after that she stayed in bed. We had done it. Halloween was. And it was marvelous! :) Yippee! :)

The Halloween That Almost Wasn't...Post 4

2011-11-02T14:19:00.005-05:00

I came home from Owen's house pretty pumped up. Mallie was begging to go trick or treating. Even though she still felt pretty awful, she knew this was her one chance this whole year to go trick or treating...and she didn't want to miss it. Should we attempt it?

I'm glad to say that Halloween was NOT canceled this year after all. :)

Mallie rallied and was the cutest, sassiest little witch ever. She was rather beguiling in her tall pink witch hat and black and purple little girl ensemble. Quincie was tickled pink to wear a unicorn outfit gifted to us by my good friend Monica. We completely Quincie-fied the outfit, so Quincie was sort of a head to toe pink princess unicorn by the end of our session. She loved it...and it was so Quincie.

Originally I was not going to take my Q out this year. The past two years had been almost nothing short of disastrous bringing her along trick or treating with us for a myriad of reasons. However, at the last minute, after all of my self-reasoning and resolve...I just couldn't say no.

So, just as it was beginning to get dark, myself, my pink princess unicorn and my pink witch hat girl set off for our 2011 trick or treating adventure.

It was evident that my Mallie was not 100%. We hit about two houses per block / cul de sac and skipped all the rest. Mallie was on a mission to get to Aunt C's house as quickly as possible. My sis only lives a few short blocks away, but Mallie simply could not get there fast enough.

Almost better than candy this year were the Halls Berry Breezers throat lozenges Aunt C gave Mallie. Mallie quickly informed me they were much, MUCH better than the generic cherry lozenges her Daddy had purchased for her that same afternoon. Thanks for that Aunt C! :)

Its actually always a HUMONGOUS treat stopping in at my sister's on Halloween night. She gives the girls a glass of water plus handfuls of extra candy, and / or brand name throat lozenges as the case may be. :) Quincie chases Aunt C's black cats around, Mallie makes herself at home and we just enjoy hanging out for a while. The big question this year was...were we going to continue on? Continued in next post...

The Halloween That Almost Wasn't...Post 3

2011-11-02T14:13:00.003-05:00

Fortunately almost 11 months prior :) no kidding! I had made plans for Wade to go trick or treating with a buddy of his, Owen B. As it turned out, Wade dressed up and went as my beloved Harry Potter, Owen went as his Harry's best friend Ron and a third classmate, Lauren, dressed up as Hermione to complete the rather infamous wizarding trio. I know I'm Mom and biased, but they were SENSATIONAL together.

Owen's family was also in the Harry Potter Halloween spirit. Owen's grandma dressed up as Professor McGonnagal, Owen's Mom was Professor Trelawny and Owen's Dad, who took the trio out trick or treating, was a marvelous Hagrid the half giant. :) As anyone can imagine, Allie was in heaven. Seeing all of them dressed up and excited was definitely the bright spot of my otherwise dark and dreary Halloween day.

I was glad that my Wade was going to have a smashing good Halloween night. After getting drug around with his two little sisters the past two years, I had promised him that this year would be better. It was nice to really deliver on that promise. :) Continued in next post...

The Halloween That Almost Wasn't...Post 2

2011-11-02T14:01:00.003-05:00

I know my hubby feels bad when on Saturday night he declares that he won't be in church Sunday morning. We were sorry to miss our boys up on stage playing in the Youth Worship Band, but Brent and Mallie were both sick.

Brent was only awake for about four hours total on Sunday October 30th. He got up a couple of times to eat and was in bed the rest of the day. ;O Mallie felt better than her Daddy, but not by much.

MONDAY OCTOBER 31ST. HALLOWEEN.

Brent didn't feel terrific that day, but managed to haul himself into work anyway. Mallie on the other hand had come down with the worst sore throat she had ever, EVER had in her short little life. It had begun Sunday, but by mid-morning Monday I simply could not stop the pain. I was practically pouring ibuprofen down her throat with seemingly no effect. She was in tears, clutching at her throat and actually begging to go to the doctor. That's a sick kid on Halloween folks. ;O

My nurse couldn't work us in that day, but sent orders for us to get a strep test. I was surprised when the rapid test came back negative, and also at a bit of a loss as to what to do as far as pain relief for my little girl.

My poor Mallie was absolutely, even dreadfully miserable that Halloween. She laid on the couch in pain almost the entire day. Around 3pm I made the rather gut-wrenching decision to cancel trick or treating that evening. ;( Boo. Continued in next post...

The Halloween That Almost Wasn't...Post 1

2011-11-02T13:49:00.005-05:00

Its still no secret that Halloween is my favorite holiday. I've been a die hard trick or treater ever since I was a kid, a tradition that now I am proudly passing down to my own kiddos. :)

I look forward to Halloween each and every year, and imagine my FRIGHT when this year Halloween was almost canceled ;O at our house. SCARY STUFF!

Halloween weekend did not exactly go according to plan this year. Friday night October 28th I was hit pretty hard with a bug. Fortunately it was short lived and I felt much better Saturday morning October 29th. Unfortunately, Brent and Mallie got hit later that same Saturday...and there ailments turned out to be not so short lived. ;(

We hosted two families for supper and games Saturday night October 29th. We had old friends in the Kersten family and new friends in the Zimmerman family. It was a lot of people and A LOT of fun. :)

Mallie and Wade were off to a Halloween party, the Boo Bash, at their swim place that same evening. After having dropped them off at 5:30pm, the phone rang about 7pm. Mallie was sick. We needed to come get her. :(

Brent, who had been feeling less and less well as the day / night wore on, brought her home and put her right to bed. Mallie was down for the count.

Brent was such a trooper that night. Somehow he managed to make it through the entire evening, but by the time our friends left around 10:15pm his nose was a faucet and he was pretty miserable. :( Continued in next post...

Halloween Haunt 2011

2011-11-02T13:31:00.002-05:00

Just have to say something fun about this second year tradition. :)

We had so much fun at Halloween Haunt last year we didn't think we could possibly ever top it. Yet somehow...we did!

There is a small theme park in our metro area with a few good roller coasters, and during the Halloween season they treat patrons to Halloween Haunt. There are several Halloween themed mazes / attractions, several more park attendants dressed up in every freaky and or scary costume imaginable, plus the park stays open til at least midnight. Fun times!

Last year we went with our good friends Cole and Valerie. This year we went with Cole, Valerie, Cole's brother Trent, plus our other mutual young married friends Morgan and Willmer. The phrase the more the merrier certainly rang true that Friday night October 21st.

We were exceedingly grateful for about as perfect a fall night as one could hope for. We all rendezvoused at the park around 6pm and rode a few rides together. I was especially proud of my Cory that night as he conquered a few fears.

First, the year before Cory had passed on The Mamba, the park's tallest / highest roller coaster. This year, he rode it. Not only did he ride it...he went back for more later and rode in the first car!!!

Later our group split up a bit as Cole, Valerie, Cory and I wanted to continue riding our fave roller coasters while Trent, Brent, Tate, Morgan and Willmer wanted to hit each and every Haunt maze. Valerie convinced both Cory and I to ride in the front car of two more roller coasters, and in the very front car in the dark of a cool, crisp October night during prime Halloween season, it was nothing short of INCREDIBLE!

Brent and I left about an hour before the rest of the gang as we wanted to get home a smidge earlier than 1am :) to relieve our marvelous babysitter, Grandma Mac. :) A HUGE THANKS to this dear lady for watching our littles for us so that we could have one spectacular, spooky night with just our bigs and some of our dearest friends. It was MORE THAN FUN to just be a kid again. :)

Pirate Wisdom: Glimpses of Philip...Post 8

2011-10-23T23:06:00.011-05:00

Those are the temptations I must wrestle down. I have to chase away the chaser thoughts with facts. It is what it is as the saying goes. Q is significantly delayed...and right now the signed word in or a "bah" sound is truly something to celebrate. Perhaps any syllable or sound...no matter how small :)

Raising a special needs child requires fortitude. It requires endurance and strength. Some days we feel we simply don't have it in us to take another step down this path. But what is the alternative? Sometimes that is the only notion that keeps us on the path.

I hope we are much closer to language than we think we are. Realistically however, we think its gonna be another two to three years, which will make for a grand total of a heck of a first few years with our Q-Baby.

It is difficult not to lament our lost (first three) years. But here's holding onto a red thread of hope that the next three years will render us not so lost and wayward and struggling, nor effectually seem so bitterly cruel. Here's hoping that all that we wished and hoped for those first three years will come true for us in these next three years. :)

No matter what happens, Quincie is loved. She is loved by her parents and siblings. She is loved by the professionals in the medical and educational fields that spend so many hours trying to help her forge that path towards real communication. She is loved by her classmates.

Likewise Quincie offers much love in return. She is simply the happiest little girl one could ever hope to meet. Though my heart yearns for so much more than smiles and sweetness, if that's all I ever get, somehow God will give me the strength to accept only that bubbly effervescence, and teach me simply to be content.

We appreciate so very much all of the attentions that have been lavished upon our daughter by so many, and also upon us. ;) Parents of special needs kiddos are almost by default high maintenance. We are thrust into worlds and situations that are overwhelming on almost every level. It changes us...not necessarily for the better.

We are strung out. We are trying to find our footing on unfamiliar paths. We are trying desperately not to fall off of the tightrope path! In any given moment in almost any given day we feel crushed under the weight of overwhelming odds, insurmountable statistics and almost superhuman stress.

But, we ask for strength to rise above. We pray for deliverance. We learn to reverently celebrate the small things, the very small things. :) We begin to be thankful in situations we never dreamed we could be. We find a way to look past shortcomings and seek out beauty where the world cannot find it. We struggle to survive most days, but there is also joy in the journey. Most moments are bittersweet, but we continue to pray that we can eschew the bitter and savor the sweet.

We know that Quincie will get there, wherever there is for her. ;) We know that we will survive and stay mostly sane throughout this process...though some days test us more than others.

May we always strive to see light in darkness, to cling to Philip's words of hope instead of get caught up in Blackbeard's spidery web. Thank you God for those sweet smiles, effervescent laughter, small steps and signs and the little celebratory "bah" glimpses of heaven on earth. They sustain us and encourage us to fight alongside our Q-Baby another day. :)

Pirate Wisdom: Glimpses of Philip...Post 7

2011-10-23T22:47:00.012-05:00

Quincie loves her new school, and her classmates love her. They have accepted her, embraced her. She is showered with attentions all day long from several adults and peers as well.

And to be fair, Q has made perhaps even considerable progress in this first nine weeks of (finally where we wanted to be) district school. Three plus years later however...it is still seemingly not enough to satisfy her beyond weary parents.

We truly never dreamed we would find ourselves in this spot. We never imagined that non-communication could take such a dreadful toll on our lives. We didn't think it possible that three years later, we could possibly still be waiting...

Brent has sometimes compared Q's family situation to a merry-go-round. It was set into motion long before she came to us, and each year it just spins around faster and faster. Q's significant delays make it almost impossible for her to hop on.

In dark moments, we have to remember what is truly important. We have to focus on the positive. But I'm not gonna lie...three plus years later it takes almost every ounce of strength we possess to muster enthusiasm over a "bah" sound. And though I do genuinely get excited, even giddy, when Q initiates a signed word...or sounds close to the mark when she voice attempts the word Mom :) the gloomy thought that almost immediately chases that small celebration is that it is, in the grand scheme of things, such a small thing to celebrate.

While my China travelmates celebrate their same age (or younger) adopted kiddos singing songs and being in school plays and Christmas pageants, I celebrate a "bah" sound. Somehow the two just don't quite compare. Continued in next post...

Pirate Wisdom: Glimpses of Philip...Post 6

2011-10-23T22:39:00.006-05:00

Some days we don't. Go crazy out of our minds from grief that is. Some days we catch glimpses of the hope that Philip spoke of.

It is a constant battle. To keep keeping on. To put a smile on when inside your spirit feels broken. To keep dreaming BIG and holding onto hope when the unpleasant realities of everyday life keep creeping in.

But, thankfully usually hope wins out. :)

Quincie was an abandoned child. We offered her a home a world away, a chance at a better life. We have shown her kindness and compassion, and likewise she to us.

Quincie may never achieve what we thought she would. What we hope she will. :) But still we know we have greatly improved her life. We know that ultimately she has improved our lives as well, though this journey towards communication has been the most arduous path we have ever known. Continued in next post...

Pirate Wisdom: Some Days I Feel Like BlackBeard...Post 5

2011-10-23T18:29:00.005-05:00

That is where we are at right now. Caught in Blackbeard's grim spiderweb outlook on life. We feel s-t-r-e-t-c-h-e-d dangerously thin. We are exhausted. We are discontent at having to stare down so many disappointments and discouragements. We are weary of waiting. Oh so weary of waiting...

We are trying to find a way to protect our hearts from hurting more over this issue...this issue that has become our cross...this issue that has brought us to our knees more times than we can count.

How does one hold onto hope and continue to dream BIG without going crazy out of her mind from grief? The grief that comes from being deceived...and denied...and disheartened after days have turned into weeks have turned into months have turned into years with basically no change? Continued in next post...

Pirate Wisdom: Some Days I Feel Like BlackBeard...Post 4

2011-10-23T18:07:00.016-05:00

Ultimately we believe that Quincie will achieve language...someday. Right now, we are not expecting it anytime soon.

As of right now we have a six year old daughter who developmentally and language wise is two years old. Many factors have contributed to her being thus. Abandoned by her birth parents and raised in an orphanage in China for her first 34 months of life, worst case scenario heart and hearing conditions, plus resultant multiple surgeries; not to mention medical protocol in 2008 determining that she was not a candidate for amplification / cochlear implants, and through it all Quincie simply not responding to our state deaf school's approach to her education.

On the homefront Brent and I feel that for the past three years we have attempted to communicate with her by learning the rudiments of sign language, and of course, as of a few months ago, fighting for and finally achieving amplification for our daughter.

For the most part, both at school and at home, Quincie has not reciprocated this attempt at language. It becomes exceedingly difficult as the years roll by to find the endurance and strength required to try to teach and converse in a language one does not have a heart for (for us that is sign language). After years pass we must beg the question, What is going on here? Can we continue on in this way when most of our efforts seem to have yielded no quantifiable results?

Professionals have told us time and again that windows have closed for Quincie that simply cannot be reopened. We have never wanted to believe these words, but after passing the three year mark (she came home to us in June 2008) we cannot dismiss this haunting prophecy as easily as we once did. The evidence that perhaps it is too late seems overwhelming, almost incontrovertible, at times. Continued in next post...

Pirate Wisdom: Some Days I Feel Like BlackBeard...Post 3

2011-10-23T17:23:00.006-05:00

At any rate, it is difficult to continue waiting with a happy heart. When days become weeks...then months...then years...it tests us in ways we never thought possible.

We're not particularly used to waiting in our modern day culture anyway, and when a parent is waiting for deliverance from a situation that is painful as regards his or her child, the wait becomes agonizing.

So, we plod along as best we can. We trudge through one day...then the next...then the next. We watch time pass with little or no change to our family situation. We grapple with finding balance; the balance between dreaming BIG for tomorrow and dealing with our present day reality today.

Of course we will not completely give up dreaming BIG for our little girl. We can't. But at present we have adjusted our expectations a bit. It hurts too much not to.

Sometimes we're not exactly sure what to expect anymore. Medical professionals tell us that Quincie will (most likely) never achieve real oral communication. Educators seem much more positive. They continue to tell us we are close to communication. We esteem each camp. I love Erin at MEI just as much as we love Jo at school.

Truthfully, Quincie is rather extraordinary in each camp, medical and educational. Her double-whammy deafness is off the charts; and rarely are children this monstrously language delayed by this age. Sometimes we get the feeling that neither camp truly knows what to expect of, or realistically plan or hope for, our little girl. Continued in next post...

Pirate Wisdom: Some Days I Feel Like BlackBeard...Post 2

2011-10-23T16:54:00.008-05:00

Some days its easy to feel like Blackbeard, though not quite in the same way. :)

Honestly, Brent and I both are in a bit of a tough spot (emotionally) right now with Quincie. In its simplest form, three plus years is a long time to deal with a non-communicative little person.

Some days its easy to lament all of our bad luck. Its easy to dwell upon all of the fates that seemed to conspire against my little girl learning language. We have known all of those things that Blackbeard mentioned: suffering, pain, even anguish.

Its tricky enough to try to raise a little person who cannot communicate. Add to that daily strain all of the emotions that a parent has wrapped around said same little person. In some moments, its nothing short of excruciating.

We have been dreaming BIG for Quincie for over three years now. We feel we have tried everything. Yet still we wait to communicate with our child.

Yes, we feel we are on the right path now. We believe that if anyone can help our daughter achieve language it is our team of educators at her elementary school.

Yes, we also see rare instances in which Quincie demonstrates that she knows a word or two. These are glimpses of hope we desperately cling to. But mostly, each and every day, nothing much seems to have changed.

Being able to sign or speak a couple of words is not possessing language. It is not the true art of communicating. We long for the day when Quincie will realize that she can tell us how she feels...what she is thinking...why she is happy or sad or laughing so much. :) The day when she can put all of those jumbled up emotions and feelings that are inside of her into words, signed and / or spoken. Continued in next post...

Pirate Wisdom: Some Days I Feel Like BlackBeard...Post 1

2011-10-23T16:18:00.014-05:00

I have mentioned before that Tate and I are pretty HUGE Disney Pirates of the Caribbean fans. Just last week the fourth installment in the franchise, Pirates of the Caribbean: On Stranger Tides, was finally available on DVD.

One thing that surprised myself, and many I believe, was the religious thematic that was present in this latest and greatest Disney film. In fact, there was a missionary on board Blackbeard's ship. (Don't worry, I'm not throwing out any spoilers in this series of posts!)

There is one marvelous early exchange between Blackbeard and Philip, the missionary, that is the inspiration of sorts for these posts. Blackbeard tells Philip that he "feels closest to our Maker when he sees suffering, pain and anguish...that's when the true design of this world is revealed."

An undaunted Philip responds that he sees it (the true design of this world) revealed "when in times of hardship and tragedy, kindness and compassion are shown to those who are in need."

Isn't it amazing that I can take that movie clip and apply it to our situation with Quincie? ;) Continued in next post...

Stitches And Stripes :)

2011-10-15T10:38:00.003-05:00

More little girl stuff. ;)

My girlsies have also recently discovered how fun tights can be. :) Normally we wear leggings / pants underneath our flower print dresses and multi-colored skirts. But Quincie finally noticed that she had some fun tights to choose from too.

We have stripes and argyles and butterflies. Light pink and hot pink. Q loves them all. Mallie was more hesitant to wear tights; but she did love the hot pink and black striped tights that went so well with her pink skull and crossbones Halloween shirt. Not to mention those hip new pink boots. :)

I also have to confess that after three boys...I ABSOLUTELY POSITIVELY LOVE buying shoes and clothes for my girlsies. We had to get a new pair of boots for the fall / wintertime. Again we stuck with our signature colors. Mallie chose hot pink and Quincie loves her new purple boots, complete with faux purple fur at the top. Both girls chose short boots instead of tall ones this year, and it was all because of color. If it isn't pink or purple, M and Q aren't terribly interested. ;)

On a different note, Mallie has surprised me twice now by expressing an interest in sewing. I am not a seamstress, by an s-t-r-e-t-c-h of the word. I mend a tear as best I can, but that is about the extent of it. ;)

The kids were off of school Friday October 14th and Mallie really wanted to stitch right alongside me. I finally cut a small square patch out of some old muslin I had laying around. Mallie got her green marker and drew a picture of a princess. Then she used all different colors of thread to stitch around her princess pattern. After a while she was even threading her own needle and looping her own knot at the end of a row of stitches. Wow! :)

I would love it if my girlsies could learn to sew. It is a skill I wish I could acquire. Mallie joked yesterday that maybe she can teach me someday. Yes...maybe she can. :)

Oh Christmas Tree....You're Pink! :)

2011-10-15T10:05:00.010-05:00

Just a short sweet little post about a fun new table topper at our house. :)

My girls have finally discovered Hobby Lobby. This is not a store I normally frequent; but in the past couple of weeks I have been there a few times!

One night after I picked her up from dance class Mallie and I took the rare opportunity to embark on a little two girls out having fun shopping excursion. We actually purchased two trees that night. A Halloween tree for me and a Christmas tree for Mal. :)

It was rather a difficult decision between the hot pink or light feathery pink 18 inch little girl's dream Christmas tree; but Mallie finally decided on ballerina pink. :) We then picked out six ornaments, three for herself and three for her sister. We got matching ornaments in the girls's signature colors, pink and purple. Mallie picked out two delicate ballerinas, two cute little girls and then two fun sequined and feathery dresses on teeny tiny hangers. I have to confess, I loved every minute!

Quincie of course was just as enraptured with this little girl's dream Christmas tree as her sister. :) Quincie of course also broke one of her sister's ornaments in only a matter of days. :( Fortunately it was the sequined and feathery dress on a teeny tiny hanger, and I believe I can fix it.

A couple of weeks later I took Quincie to Hobby Lobby while her sister was at dance class, and I simply had to LAUGH OUT LOUD at what different taste my girlsies have. :) Quincie immediately landed upon ornaments that Mallie and I had not even noticed. The sweet treat ornaments...the red and white Christmas candies and tiered dreamy cupcakes and the coveted colorful ice cream cone ornaments.

Quincie scooped up as many as she possibly could. She was laughing hysterically and enthusiastically pretending to lick that little pink ice cream cone. :) Of course she had to put several back; but I allowed her to purchase two cupcakes and that delicious pink ice cream cone that particular visit. I made sure to snag another delicate feather pink ballerina for Mallie, plus a marvelous pink ballerina dress.

On another trip to Hobby Lobby Q snagged one more confetti colored, cherry topped cupcake ornament and got a silvery crown ornament for her sister. And that I think will do for our little girl's dream light feathery ballerina pink table topper Christmas tree this year.

Its all good fun isn't it? And I love these simple pleasures. Watching the girls delight in gazing upon their tree that sits atop our nook breakfast table each morning. I love these sweet little girl treats in life. :)

Out. In. Out!

2011-10-08T17:59:00.006-05:00

Quincie has finally had a couple of loose teeth. First one permanent bottom tooth poked through, then the second. Consequently those front two baby teeth slowly began to shift a bit, then finally become loose enough to wiggle.

A few weeks prior Quincie had witnessed me yank out one of her big sister's baby teeth. Quincie was actually horrified at watching this. I thought then it might be a struggle to try to wiggle her baby teeth out, and my hunch proved to be right. ;O

The first few times I tried to wiggle Q's teeth she freaked. Absolutely freaked out on me. After a few more times she settled down a bit, but it was by no means her favorite at-home activity.

I have dutifully continued to try to wiggle her teeth and each time it has been a bit more pleasant than the time before. Until Wednesday October 5th that is.

We were fast reaching a point where I really needed to go ahead and yank those baby teeth out. However and unfortunately, they weren't exactly hanging by a thread yet.

Wednesday night I was really trying to twist and turn that tooth. I knew it hurt, but I wasn't about to pay for a dentist visit to pull a couple of loose teeth either.

Even though Q is doing well in school and communicating more by voice and sign there, at home she is still non-communicative for the most part. That's why what happened Wednesday night October 5th at precisely 6:44pm was such an astonishment / celebration. ;)

In between outbursts of travails, deaf sounds and tears I kept signing to Quincie, Need tooth out. She would vigorously shake her head, shout at me, once in a while angrily sign Stop! and continuously moan and groan. This tooth wiggling business was becoming quite the dramatic production.

After another signed, Need tooth out from me Quincie SIMPLY ASTOUNDED ME by emphatically signing IN! Wow! I had previously (as in days before) instructed her to sign, Stop! instead of shouting so many deaf sounds at me and once in a while even attempting to lash out and hit me ;O but I had not once, during all of our tooth wiggling, signed the word in.

This is what we hope, pray and simply want to see more of. REAL COMMUNICATION. Not inappropriate outbursts and / or sounds. One simple word / sign / voice can express so much. :) In this case, Q demonstrated that she knew the opposite sign of the word I had signed to her, which is certainly quite impressive! :)

On Saturday October 8th I decided I really needed to get at least one of those loose teeth out. Quincie again signed, In! to me when I began wiggling her tooth, but today I had to one up her by signing, No, OUT! and really doing the deed. :)

It ended up being a bit traumatic. Brent had to help me by restraining her arms and hands, but I had made such progress throughout the day I knew that if I could just get a good grip on that tooth, one more swift yank would get it out.

At 3:08pm it was finished. Her tooth was finally, really and truly OUT. :) Q went from dire distress to complete shock to bewilderment...to a HUGE NOW TOOTHLESS GRIN on her face. :) I brought a mirror down to her and she simply could not look into it enough. She was laughing and smiling and I think quite pleased with the end result. Q of course has no inkling of the tooth fairy concept, but no matter. It is still a magical milestone to celebrate together, and though it won't be under her pillow tonight it is still her first lost tooth! :)

Two Artists In The House... :)

2011-09-30T14:39:00.006-05:00

Mallie has long been our resident ARTIST in the house. :) None of my boys ever had an interest in art, and I can't say that I blamed them! Our little girl however has simply dazzled us with her dozens and dozens and dozens of princess, rainbow, flower and any other girlie kind of pictures one can think of.

Quincie has usually been abysmal at artistic ability and penmanship, but only a few short weeks into the school year both of these fine motor skills have GREATLY improved. :)

I finally emailed Jo and asked if Marcella had been drawing kid like pictures on Quincie's coloring pages, and imagine my astonishment when she replied, No, that is all Quincie's artwork. WOW! She told me that Marcella models what needs to be drawn on a separate piece of paper. For example, Marcella will draw an apple on her piece of paper and then direct Quincie to draw an apple on her piece of paper. She really is quite a fantastic little copy-cat. ;)

Q has also been snagging the Doodle-Pro at home. One night Tate was playing a game on the Wii, and he happened to notice that Quincie was sitting nearby and doodling whatever character he happened to be up on the TV screen. She drew an astonishingly good elf and wolf. HOORAY QUINCIE!!! :)

Her penmanship has also dramatically improved. One day Tate saw a paper on the kitchen table and asked, Quincie didn't actually write those words out did she? Yes! I responded. She actually did!

I still delight in reading that marvelous purple notebook that comes home each day. Some reports are absolutely glowing, some record that Quincie wasn't as attentive that afternoon or that she did not detect as many sounds in a given speech session; but overall she is simply having a TERRIFIC KINDERGARTEN YEAR and making loads and loads of progress. :)

No, that does not mean that she is coming home and talking sentences to us. That is still months, probably even years, away. But, it is definitely a dream that is finally in the making...Go Team Quincie! :)

Banner Day

2011-09-30T14:21:00.002-05:00

Monday September 26th was truly a BANNER DAY for us at MEI / Midwest Ear Institute. :)

Yet again we found ourselves anticipating another rather BIG day as Erin had told us two weeks prior that next time she would put Quincie in the soundbooth and determine her level of hearing with her new / left cochlear implant.

I wasn't quite as nervous as the first time around. After all, even if the left implant produced no or even minimal results, we knew we still had better than anticipated results on the right side that could carry us through.

Erin had been indicating through this second series of mapping appointments that she didn't think that Quincie was hearing quite as well from the new / left implant side as she was from the original / right implant side, so I basically went into this appointment simply hoping that the results weren't absolutely dismal.

Yet again, we were WONDERFULLY SURPRISED! :)

Imagine everyone's disbelief when we discovered that Quincie is actually hearing BETTER out of her new left implant than her original right implant. We had never ever expected to get such phenomenal results once, let alone TWICE! :) Yippee!

Put both cochlear implants together and...WOW!

Quincie is definitely hearing speech sounds ladies and gentlemen.

Then! Just when I thought it couldn't possibly get any better, Erin used a cloth covered hoop to cover her mouth and orally tested whether or not Quincie could detect the six Ling sounds. She did! More proof positive that our Easter Miracle of 2011 is still in progress.

It's soooooooooooo pleasant to get good news for a change on this hearing / communication front. Even MARVELOUS news. We had really just accepted that this was something that would never be for us...and look at her now. :) My Quincie is hearing out of both implants. And quite well at that. :) THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU GOD FOR THIS NO SMALL MIRACLE. We are truly, truly thankful. :)

How I Love To Be Proved Wrong... :)

2011-09-23T23:41:00.005-05:00

I simply have to follow my last post up with this one. :)

A week or so ago at the supper table Quincie sounded out a darn good voice approximation of the word more. All of us simply stopped and stared...had we really just heard that? We do not think she truly enunciated the r sound in the word, but she was really, really close. :)

Friday September 23rd SOMETHING EVEN MORE MARVELOUS happened. As we sat at our newly renovated kitchen nook (Brent and I are quite proud of it actually) Quincie signed four words, please want more pizza. The please and pizza were simply signed - or perhaps in our case not so simply signed! ;) - but MY Q VOLUNTARILY ADDED VOICE to the want and the more!!!!!!! See ya later Non-communication! :)

I was so excited I threw down my piece of pizza, squished her cheeks up in my hands and kissed that pizza stained, little brown face over and over and over.

It had happened. It had really and truly just happened. Q had voluntarily voiced (or voice approximated) something to me, and did a darn good job of it at that. :)

Q has been quite good at the w and m sounds for a while now. And Brent can almost get her to say the word brush. She is somehow super spectacular at very nearly saying brush. Again, these are prompted instances. Brent has to prod and prompt and speak slowly and clearly over and over and over again for Quincie to attempt to say the word brush. But Friday September 23rd, that was something different.

On that night, Q did it all by herself. I don't know if she simply forgot that she wasn't at school sitting across from Jo. ;) I don't know what possibly could have motivated her to do it. Well, besides pizza of course. :) No she did not enunciate the words perfectly. But she tried. She initiated the attempt. And I'm ever so glad that she did!!

Jo has been so encouraging. She keeps telling me we are on the path. We are getting there. We are getting closer. She whispers to me not to give up because we are sooooooooo close! This night, I finally got to live it. It felt like I was on first for a change! :) But really, I'm still a long ways from first. Oh well. Second, third and even home can be pretty exciting places to be too I guess. ;) THANK YOU QUINCIE. Thank you, thank you, thank you...for adding your voice to ours tonight. :)

Learning to Adjust To Good Things Too...

2011-09-23T22:42:00.009-05:00

Quincie still LOVES school. Absolutely loves it. She's even big time stuff now and I let her walk down the driveway all by herself - as I stand hovering in the doorway - to Marcella's open arms and the short bus that is waiting for her at the foot of our drive. :)

We are beyond thrilled with our new TEAM QUINCIE at the elementary school. Marcella, Jo, Elizabeth and Q's classroom teacher astound us with their dedication and motivation, not to mention results! :)

I still love that purple communication notebook that comes home each and every school day. Sometimes though, I must confess, reading all of those amazing comments is bittersweet.

Q makes many more speech / communication attempts during her school day than she does at home. There are several reasons for this, all of which we understand. Does understanding always make something easier? No. It doesn't.

Usually my attempts at drawing a syllable out of Quincie have the same end result...it doesn't happen. :) When prodded she will attempt to vocalize, but it is something that I must ask for. She does not give it freely.

Quincie still does not seem to want to sign either. Oh Non-communication, are we really gonna be stuck with you forever?

We know the answer to that question is also no. Quincie is doing a fantastic job and at school signs and speaks. Well, makes sound anyway. :) Jo said that Quincie can add a one syllable voice approximation :) to almost any word she signs. Translated that means that Quincie will sign a word...and a one syllable sound / voice utterance / approximation of intended word ;) spews out of her mouth. It might not even be close to the word that is being signed, but it is definitely baby steps in the right direction. :)

Its difficult to anxiously read about progress at school when one so desperately yearns to live it here at home. Brent even commented the other night that, It doesn't feel like we've made any progress. Intuitively we know that she has, but realistically, for no more than we see or hear here at home, it sure doesn't feel like it.

So I find myself adjusting once again. Adjusting to a new set of circumstances. Adjusting to a new routine...a new regime even. :) Brent and I feel like we have, by default, become passive parents as far as Q and communication are concerned. Its been three plus years, and we are still waiting, still longing for real communication with this child. Nothing we do at home seems to make any difference.

It is also difficult for me to wrap my brain around the fact that someone else will hear her true first spoken word. It won't be me. :( Ultimately I will witness Q's success; but seemingly as more of a spectator, not a player on her field. Is that my long awaited storybook ending? No, it certainly is not.

That is when Brent gently reminds me that this is Q's story, not mine. Written another way, I must choose to be content to watch her blossom and bloom from afar, because that is how this story is going to play out. :)

Ultimately I want my daughter to strive, to succeed, to shine. I want to be there to soak it all up, to breathe deep, to run alongside her to the finish line, wherever it takes her, whenever the end may be.

I want to smile and shout and sob and cheer as we cross that long-suffered for threshold. I want there to be an end in sight. I want these painful, exhaustive and weary years to be just a memory. I want to try to forget that some things ever happened. I wish I could make sense of some of the things that have happened.

I want to share secrets and swap stories with my youngest daughter. I want to hear her voice. Heaven knows I long to hear her voice. :) I want Quincie to connect with the world around her. I long for the day when all of this suddenly makes sense to her. I wish I could be first, not second or third. But more than that, I just wish and want communication to happen for my daughter. So..I will wait on second....or third...or home. :)

I will continue to read excerpts from that storybook purple notebook, and wait to see how this next chapter unfolds for us, DREAMING BIG all the while. Learning to adjust to good things too... :)

The Last Birthday...Woot! :)

2011-09-23T21:48:00.004-05:00

Cory is of course our last kid birthday in the calendar year. Sometimes I feel bad for him as all of the other kiddos are August birthdays and share that bond. However, Cory being in his own month definitely has its perks. Especially this year!

Remember that I didn't even see my littlest boy on his birthday this year. And likewise we were so tired on Mallie's birthday that it didn't amount to much. ;O Quincie had a terrific time getting to wear a birthday crown in her classroom the day she got to celebrate her birthday at school. But really and truly, Quincie has absolutely no concept of what a birthday even is. All she knows is that for some crazy, quirky and FUN reason she got to wear a crown one day at school. :)

Especially this year, I was ever so grateful to be able to wait almost a month :) to celebrate the last kid birthday. Cory had school and the first night back to puppets on his birthday this year. As we have for years now, we got Cory the Nintendo game he wanted for his birthday. I think Cory might be turning 34 someday and still getting Wii games for his birthday! :) My marvelous middle boy. Some things simply never change. :)

In addition to the game he got some new nun-chuks for the Wii, some new ear-buds for his Ipod and last but not least, some Pokemon cards he was wild about. Brent took him over to his favorite Pokemon card haunt ;) and Cory was able to pick out and purchase some rare cards for his collection.

A week later we enjoyed another Cory tradition, crab legs! Cory always asks for crab legs to celebrate his birthday, and its about the only time of year we indulge ourselves to such a treat. :)

Finally, another week later, Cory got to have his birthday sleepover. Even as I type this, Cory and his two brothers, plus Elijah, Elias and Aaron are running around outside playing Ghost in the Graveyard. Needless to say, I think Cory has enjoyed his rather drawn out birthday this year. :)

Cory is still our champion comedian and a resident favorite. :) I sure hope that boy never changes. I love him to pieces! :)

Just Dance!

2011-09-23T21:13:00.001-05:00

Mallie has a new favorite DVD...the DVD of her dance recital this past June. :)

Our girlsies are back in dance, and these are also lessons we look forward to each week! Mallie was invited by her teacher, Miss Nyree, to move up to the next level class, Dance Combo 2. I've since talked to Nyree and she confided in me that Mallie's class last year was one of her best...classes...ever. ;) She said that really and truly, they were simply sensational.

I really wanted Mallie to be in Nyree's class again, but wouldn't you know this particular class is on Wednesday night? We really love the Awana program at our church so it was a bit of a tough decision. However, several factors lended to us choosing Miss Nyree's dance class over Awana this year. And anyone who knows Nyree knows why we have absolutely no regrets about our decision.

Mallie is in little girl pink heaven being back in dance class with her practically perfect dance teacher, and Brent and I love our Wednesday nights. Why? A HUGE reason is that teenage driver we have at our disposal. :)

Tate drives himself plus his two brothers over to church and back home again each and every Wednesday night. We have to say, it is NOTHING SHORT OF WONDERFUL not having to make two trips back and forth to church every...single...Wednesday...night.

Brent and I enjoy a nice, quiet, even relaxing evening on the homefront with our two girlsies each midweek. It's bliss actually. :) By the time the boys get home the girls are bathed, brushed and beneath their blankets in bed. Much, much different than years past when Wednesday was hands down the most hectic night of the week. As I alluded to in my previous post, we simply have not found a downside yet to our eldest driving! :)

Quincie is also enjoying dance again, though right now we are trying to decide which class to put her in. :) The first week was rough. Last year both girls had dance on Thursday night. This year Mallie has dance on Wednesday and Quincie not til Thursday. That first Wednesday Quincie was ludicrously upset. Say it with me, these are times when I especially hate non-communication.

We tried every word and sign we knew, but Quincie simply does not have that level of comprehension yet. To her mind, she saw her sister go off to dance class while she was cruelly left behind. Imagine though her delight the next night when it was her turn to put on one of her new birthday dance outfits :) and head out the door to dance. Whew!

We love our dance studio...LOTS! :)

Three Swimmers In The House

2011-09-23T20:23:00.003-05:00

Wade and Mallie continue to love their swimming lessons, and as of Tuesday September 20th their big brother Cory joined them!

Cory wants to be a lifeguard next summer. We looked at the requirements for the lifeguard classes offered through the city and realized that Cory will need just a little help. :)

When Tate and Cory were my only littles - a long, long time ago now! - they spent two summers taking swim lessons through the city. They absolutely hated those lessons! They were so adamant about it that I didn't enroll them again or push the matter further.

A couple of weeks ago I called Gina at Elite, what a SUPERSTAR she is! Gina jumped through hoops to get all three of my kiddos on the same night at the same time. Not an easy feat! She also practically created a class just for my Coreo, and as it happens Cory and Wade are in the same class!

Much to Wade's chagrin however, Wade is now back with Michael and lost his beloved Kortney. I think Michael is a terrific teacher; but remember Michael figured our Wadie out pretty quick. He knew a little ladies man when he saw one! :)

I'm super duper proud of Cory for hopping into that pool with kids who are much smaller in size and younger in years than he is. I think it takes guts! Cory had a great time at his first swim lesson; but did comment afterward that he had never swum that hard in his entire life! :)

We truly love, love, LOVE our swim place. We look forward to those lessons every single week! I truly hope Cory can achieve his goal of becoming a lifeguard next summer. If any place can help prepare him to pass a lifeguard course, its our MARVELOUS CREW at Elite!! :)

Is There A Downside To This? :)

2011-09-23T20:01:00.003-05:00

Sorry I've been out of commission for a while. We have been getting used to new school routines and extracurricular activities. :) This particular post is dedicated to my eldest, Tate.

Tate is DRIVING now and LOVING IT. :) Like any typical teen, he doesn't like his first vehicle...but like any typical teen he has also discovered he'd rather drive a heap than not drive at all. :)

Tate has loved giving rides to his buddies, and Brent and I have loved leveraging another driver in the house. On Saturday September 17th I sent Tate on his first grocery store errand for me. I only needed one item, broccoli slaw as a matter of fact, from Target. I gave him $5 cash and he made sure to take out his own tip by buying himself a pack of gum. :) I thought that was fair.

Tate is also liking North much more this year. Remember last year was a tough one for us. Last year was the first year the program had tried to accommodate freshmen, and well, it was a bit of a challenge for all involved.

Brent made Tate stick it out...and even Tate has to admit now that he is grateful. He is really enjoying his classes this year. This is the academic experience we are accustomed to with this boy! :)

We continue to marvel at our oldest son. We are even ludicrously proud of him. Our biggest struggle with our eldest teen is of course, time management. Tate wants to work out after supper, enjoy evening activities, then begin his homework late and stay up late...on school nights!! ;O

Its been an ongoing battle between us. However, as I stated to a friend, I know how lucky I am if that is my biggest battle with my teenager. :) We're working on it, and as I always tell my kiddos, we'll work it out...together. :)

We've Found Her...Post 3 :)

2011-09-04T15:53:00.004-05:00

Truthfully I couldn't completely comprehend everything Jo texted back to me. :O Guess I'm still working on learning the lingo. :)

At any rate, she did explain that that was the first day Q had successfully followed the voice commands without the physical prompts. Everything is a work in progress, right? And it still didn't diminish the miracle; that Quince is indeed RESPONDING TO VOICE. Not bad for the girl who was never supposed to hear, is it? :)

No, my Q isn't there yet. She's not talking. She's not conversant in spoken English. But Jo believes that Q is leaning towards an oral modality, which is simply music to this Mama's weary ears. :)

Consider too that hearing wise Q is just a babe in the woods. She was activated and heard for the first time in her entire life in May 2011. Its only early September! She has proven that she can detect speech sounds and respond to voice. But there is hard work ahead.

Q can detect / hear speech sounds...but will she be able to go the next step and DISTINGUISH a subtle s from sh? We hearing persons take for granted the myriad of intricacies of our spoken languages...there are a lot of sounds and syllables that a person must detect and distinguish before she can 1. interpret speech and 2. produce same speech. It really is like running a marathon up a mountain. It is going to be A LOT of hard, hard work.

Q seems to want to do it. She seems to want to excel in this sense that is brand new to her. I truly believe that Jo is our Annie Sullivan. I truly believe that if anyone can open up the world of language / communication for Q it is Jo. :)

Wouldn't it be wonderful if after three years of saying it, that this will be the year for language! if it really is? If it really is the year that Q can learn language and communicate? KEEP ON KEEPING ON Q AND JO! :)

We've Found Her...Post 2 :)

2011-09-04T15:39:00.003-05:00

Just wanted to elaborate a bit more on the Jump! and Turn around! voice commands EVENT that was Friday September 2nd 2011, right there in the main school entryway...

Of course I immediately picked myself up off of the floor ;) and exclaimed, How did you do that?

Jo explained that she began with auditory and physical prompts. Jo stood behind Quincie, audibly stated, Jump! and simultaneously tapped Quincie on the arm. Likewise when Jo audibly stated, Turn around! she drug out the words to make them into loooooooong sounds :) and also drug her index finger slowly down Quincie's arm. These were physical prompts to help Quincie understand that Jump!, a short tap to the arm, is a short word and is a rather staccato-like action. A jump is short and quick, just like the word. Similarly turning around is a longer action and longer voice command. Cool, huh? :)

Later that evening I issued the same words / voice commands to Quincie and was thrilled to see her jump and then turn around for me too.

Then I decided to mix up the word order. To my dismay, Q jumped first, even though I had spoken the words, Turn around. ;O This elicited some rather frantic texts to Jo, which she was gracious enough to respond to...especially since it was the start of a holiday weekend! Continued in next post...

We've Found Her...Post 1 :)

2011-09-04T14:53:00.003-05:00

We've done it. We've found her. Our Annie Sullivan. She's one of the best kept secrets in our hometown!!! :)

Just a post to absolutely RAVE about Jo, Quincie's Deaf / Hard of Hearing teacher at school. WOW! Is truly about the only way I know to begin...

Machele had told me Jo was fantastic, and I trust Machele. But I have to admit I have still been simply BLOWN AWAY by this incredible very definition of the word teacher.

Jo is the authority figure Quincie needed. Sometimes Mom simply won't do for that, will she? Jo is tough on Quincie and Quincie so far has risen to the challenge. Jo and Elizabeth, the school speech pathologist, are pushing Quincie to her very limits...and she LOVES it. :)

Sometimes I almost cry (tears of happiness!) when I read of a new sound, syllable or similar achievement in that marvelous purple notebook, my deeply desired communication booklet that comes home each day in Quincie's backpack. That same purple notebook is absolutely overflowing with words and more words written down by Jo, Elizabeth and sometimes Q's classroom teacher, Mrs. C., about what Quincie did in a particular day at school.

I get to hear quips and quirks, bits and bobs, significant and insignificant happenings that fill my littlest girl's days. Imagine what a BANNER DAY it was when I read Elizabeth's entry on Wednesday August 31st 2011, when she recorded that, Quincie detected ALL of the six Ling sounds - m, sh, s, oo, ee, ah - perfectly. ;) That is HUGE. Absolutely huge! :)

Then I picked Q up at school on Friday September 2nd 2011 (yet another appointment!) and was able to witness, completely dumbfounded I might add, Jo's success. She said, Watch this! Jo stood behind Quincie and said, Jump! QUINCIE JUMPED! Allie almost hit the ground by the way... :)

Jo remained behind Quincie and said, Turn around...and QUINCIE TURNED AROUND. Allie was on the ground! :)

My little girl had responded appropriately to a voice prompt or command. ;) Can you see me beaming even as I type this a couple of days later????

She's doing it. JO IS DOING IT. She is our Annie Sullivan and Henry Higgins all rolled into one, and she's right here within our school district. Amazing! :) Continued in next post...

Six Years And Six Days Later... :)

2011-09-04T14:09:00.010-05:00

Friday August 26th was another BIG day for us, activation day for Q's second cochlear implant. ;)

We were nervous again for this one, but for different reasons than the first time around.

Since Erin did not get any sort of nerve response during surgery testing on this second side we were quite apprehensive for this particular Friday morning appointment. We had prepared ourselves for worst case scenario; that perhaps there would be no response whatsoever on this second / left side...

Fortunately...our worries were all for naught. We got another TREMENDOUS response!

We weren't completely sure at first. Q sat there through the first couple of beeps with no response. Gulp. But...then she cocked her head sideways towards Erin with a questioning, almost mischievous smile on her face. Erin asked, Did you hear that? Q got a HUGE smile on her face and excitedly put her orange plastic peg into the yellow pegboard, her signal to us that YES! She had definitely heard that! ;) HOORAY! :)

Relief and excitement washed over us, all at the same time. It had worked. Her second cochlear implant was seemingly as successful as her first. Six days after she turned six years old, MY QUINCIE HEARD BILATERALLY / WITH BOTH EARS FOR THE FIRST TIME IN HER ENTIRE LITTLE LIFE. :) It was quite an emotional moment for this Mama who has rather been through the mill on this particular issue. :)

We smiled through the rest of our appointment; and as luck would have it we even got Quincie back to school in time for lunch.

It was definitely another meaningful and significant culmination landmark after a long, arduous and simply painful journey. It struck me that we were almost exactly one month short of that infamous and fateful day that started it all, 9-24-08. The Wednesday almost three years past from this present Friday of 8-26-11 that we were told that our Q-Baby would never hear. From devastating terminal news to successful bilateral cochlear implants...with a whole lot in between. WOW. :)

I have to confess...it feels GREAT to turn a never into a now...to stare down the impossible and simply never give up until it is indeed possible. THANK YOU GOD for bringing us to this day, for seeing us across an ocean of storms to the other shore. We are thankful to be here. :)

School Is Cool, The Doctor Is Not :)

2011-08-24T16:30:00.006-05:00

This is a cute first day story and I want to share it. :)

Wouldn't you know that Q had an appointment her very first day of school? We hadn't gotten our mandatory kindergarten physical before school started, so...here we were. :)

I needed to pick Q up mid-morning. Marcella brought Quincie down to the office. Q seemed truly thrilled to see me and gave me a HUMONGOUS I'm still smiling and happy to be here hug. :)

Marcella and I began chatting and Q was scampering happily about us. Finally I motioned to Q that we needed to go. WHOA MOM! I thought you were just dropping by to say hello and give me a hug. I didn't know I actually needed to leave school to go with you! If Quincie could talk, that's exactly what she would have said!

She actually started to back away from me, heading back down the hall towards her newfound kindergarten classroom. Here again is where non-communication is the pits. ;O Marcella and I each told her she was only going to the doctor, that she was coming back to school, but of course Q could not grasp any of it. Ask me. Ask me. Ask me! :)

Q cried most of the way to the doctor's office. I finally had to turn around and reprimand her. ;O Once we arrived at our destination she rallied, and was all smiles scampering around the waiting room.

We had a good check up, though Mikey did make it a point to tell us that Q is in the 10th-25th percentile for height and the 75th for weight. ;O Oh Q-Baby. One of these days we'll figure this whole finding a balanced weight thing out. :)

Needless to say, Q was more than delighted to make her way back into her new school. :) We had an entire crew there to welcome us back too! Jo and Marcella showed up to the office with Morgan, a young just graduated from college teacher who will be helping out in the DHH room, plus Anna, a sweet young student who, like Q, has a cochlear implant.

I have since been told that Anna loves to be in the DHH room with Quincie, and Quincie in turn loves it when Anna is in there with her. Anna is older than Quincie and is oral, but she has taken Q under her wing. Thanks Anna! :)

Quincie waved goodbye to me and I was on my way. Hmmm...wonder how it will go when we have to turn around and do this all over again on Friday? :)

We really did have another appointment on Friday August 19th with Dr. C. It was Q's follow up appointment after surgery, and fortunately it was short and sweet. Dr. C removed the steri-strips, said everything looked terrific and we were on our way back to school. :) I even got her back in time for lunch! :)

Dream Big...Post 4

2011-08-24T14:51:00.009-05:00

What is so wonderful about Scarborough? ABSOLUTELY EVERYONE. :)

I wanted to devote a few sentences to each of the lovely ladies who are MISSION CRITICAL to Q's development this year.

First there is Q's cute classroom teacher, Mrs. C. Since this school is the designated Deaf and Hard of Hearing / DHH elementary school within the district, having deafies in classrooms with mostly hearing kids (mainstreaming) is no big deal. Mrs. C. was more than comfortable with having Q in her classroom.

Elizabeth is a person we have pinned rather HUGE HOPES on this schoolyear. :) Elizabeth is the speech teacher, so obviously we are hoping she can work more than a little magic for us by teaching Q spoken English. Here we are DARING TO DREAM BIG! :) Machele, my beloved mentor within the district, told me that we could potentially expect Q to be speaking 2-3 word simple sentences to us by the end of this schoolyear if all goes well. That would certainly be a dream come true for this weary of non-communication to the absolute depths of her soul Mama. :)

Jo is the FIREBALL :) that is the classroom DHH teacher at Scarborough. Jo is a particular favorite within our city's Deaf community. She is just a dynamic teacher who knows how to knock down the prison walls of non-communication. Machele had long told me that if anyone could convince Q to communicate, it would be this marvelous lady with her super huge heart for deafies, Jo. :) Go Jo!

I have mentioned Marcella of course. It is obvious to anyone who is lucky enough to be around them for more than two seconds that Marcella and Jo are TEAM DYNAMIC DUO. :) They have worked together for years so, in a nutshell, they know what they are about and how to get the job done together.

Marcella begins her day by riding Quincie's bus as a bus aide to the deaf/ amplified children who are on Jennifer's route. She greets Quincie at the top of the bus stairs each morning with a warm smile and heartfelt hug.

Marcella is also Quincie's classroom interpreter. Quincie certainly is not capable of navigating / surviving a kindergarten classroom on her own. In Mrs. C's classroom, Marcella is Q'S DESIGNATED SHADOW. ;) She helps Quincie with each and every activity. She is basically there to help Q function alongside her same age, grade level, communicative classroom peers.

Marcella also accompanies Q to the DHH room. There she and Jo work to communicate to Quincie what Mrs. C taught in her kindergarten classroom. :) They pre-teach, teach and re-teach every single agenda, item, letter, lesson, number, concept, color and activity that Q did not absorb on her own, which to be honest is basically everything.

Total Communication is the method employed by most district schools, including ours. Marcella and Jo speak and sign every single word they communicate to Quincie. Hopefully over time the sign is dropped as the spoken word is absorbed. We got cochlear implants for a reason; spoken English is definitely the direction we want to go. :)

Right now Quincie is fluent in neither American Sign Language / ASL nor (spoken) English. Let's be real, Quincie barely employs any sign language at all (toilet, water, peanut butter sandwich want please and...????) and when it comes to hearing, she is just a babe at four months old! There's that non-communication specter, looming over us again...

Again, we are hoping against hope that this is truly it, Q's banner year. The year she finally grasps communication. The year she blooms and blossoms into language. The year she shouts out! :) her first spoken word. The year she learns and yearns to interact and communicate with the world around her. :) GO TEAM QUINCIE! :) We believe in you. :)

Dream Big...Post 3

2011-08-24T14:26:00.003-05:00

Q wanted to change into something similar to M's artist dress, but we didn't exactly have oodles of time on our hands to look for something new. ;O Quincie quickly became quite angry with her Mama for being so non-compliant with her wish to change her clothes. She cried. She made it crystal clear to me that she was exceedingly put out with me. She was in fact becoming more belligerent by the minute... ;O

Finally I had had enough of the attitude. Enough with the dress! I not so nicely scolded her. Terrific. So much for our happy happy joy joy first day of school morning. Sigh. Ask me why I HATE non-communication. ;O

The magic had certainly fizzled out of our morning. Q ate her peanut butter and jelly sandwich while I watched for the bus. Finally our designated short bus ;) came around the corner. I ran back into the kitchen to get Quincie.

Her entire face of course LIT UP as she looked outside and saw that bus driving towards her house. Suddenly Mallie's artist dress was forgotten and morning misunderstandings were forgiven. She giggled. She smiled. She beamed.

Laughter came tumbling out of her. Here was the happy happy joy joy I had wanted to share with her. ;) She kept hugging me. Then she climbed up those bus steps and hugged Marcella, her bus aide / classroom interpreter / DHH room aide / Q's attached to the hip person this year. :)

Q hugged our cute bus driver Jennifer, then turned back around to hug me, then turned around again to give Marcella another squeeze, all the while giggling and smiling so big I thought that grin couldn't possibly s-t-r-e-t-c-h any wider. :) Q was RADIATING PURE JOY. She was spinning round and round giving out huge, heartfelt hugs and was the very definition of GIDDY. :) She simply could not contain her contagious enthusiasm. I loved it. We ALL loved it! :) Yes. My Q-Baby is ready for school. Continued in next post...

Dream Big...Post 2

2011-08-24T14:10:00.002-05:00

We simply could not be more pleased with Q's new school. :)

Q of course LOVES it. :) She is a little social butterfly after all, and has always loved to attend school. She did her penance with me during our semester of homeschool, didn't she? :)

I wanted Q's first day of school to be WONDERFUL of course. Great story here...

Of my five, Mallie and Wade were the only ones who had to put in a half day on Monday August 15th. Tuesday August 16th was the BIG day. All five were in school all day, and since Q recovered from this second cochlear implant surgery much more speedily than her first surgery back in April, I sent her off on Tuesday as well.

Q woke up Tuesday morning with of course no inkling of what was going on. That's one of the downsides of non-communication. I signed to her Monday night that she would go to school the next day, but she looked back at me with that oh so familiar blank expression since she had absolutely no idea what I was trying to communicate to her. ;O

Tuesday morning I had a HUGE GRIN on my face as I walked into Q's room. This was the day I had waited over three years for!! To be able to send my Quincie off to where we had always wanted her to be, in a district school, was nothing short of a dream come true for us! ;) Not to mention I knew she was going to be beyond TICKLED PINK once she figured out the reason why Mom was soooooooooo excited about getting her dressed this particular Tuesday morning.

I picked out a cute skirt and shirt for her to wear for her first day. She was completely content with my choice, until Mallie came along and picked out her artist dress to wear. I have doubles of lots of the girlsies' clothes, but not everything; and unfortunately for both Q and myself there is only one artist dress...and it definitely belongs to Mallie. ;) Continued in next post...

Dream Big...Post 1

2011-08-24T14:06:00.003-05:00

Does anyone think it mere coincidence that Q's new elementary school's motto this year is DREAM BIG? :) When Jo told me that as we chatted a couple of weeks ago now, I couldn't breathe for a moment. That's long been my motto with Q, I told her. WOW. :) DREAM BIG. DREAM BIG. DREAM BIG. DREAM BIG. DREAM BIG. DREAM BIG. DREAM BIG. DREAM BIG. DREAM BIG. DREAM BIG. DREAM BIG. DREAM BIG. DREAM BIG. DREAM BIG. DREAM BIG. DREAM BIG. DREAM BIG. DREAM BIG. DREAM BIG. DREAM BIG. DREAM BIG. DREAM...Continued in next post...

Definition of a Heartfelt Hug...Postscript :)

2011-08-17T21:32:00.011-05:00

Just had to record this, because it was something that meant a lot to me.

Lisa isn't our only awesome audiologist. :) In fact before there was Lisa, there was Erin.

We began this journey back in 2008 with Erin. Erin was the one who teared up in late summer 2008 at our last soundbooth before the fateful MRI/CT scan hearing test. It was a crushed, but professional, Erin who encouraged me in the days immediately following our devastating 9-24-08 day.

It was Erin who began working with me again in November of 2010. Erin who also fielded dozens of psychotic Allie emails during the winter of my discontent. Erin who (virtually) whispered to me that Dr. C had lost sleep over Quincie. Erin who stood beside us in our topsy-turvy What Just Happened Here? Tumbling Down The Rabbit Hole Like Alice February meeting with Dr. C that left me beyond frazzled.

Then Erin went out on maternity leave at the end of March 2011. After beginning this journey with us and being our beloved advocate so much of the way through, Erin missed Q's first rather historic cochlear implant surgery in April 2010. At the time I couldn't imagine doing any of this without Erin. Enter Lisa, who quickly filled Erin's shoes, and rather perfectly at that. :)

Anyway, when I had visited with Dr. C in pre-op Friday morning August 12th and he told us that Erin would be doing the surgery testing, I asked him to ask her to stop by and see us in the Surgery Waiting Area. Of course she came. :)

Erin is just a person who radiates sweetness. After a bit of conversation she said, Wow! You guys are handling all of this so well. You must have completely come to terms with everything that happened...before. We assured her we still had our moments. :) What she said next almost knocked me flat.

Ugh. Not me. I still have a hard time with it. And I'll never forget that day, ever. September 24th...it was my birthday. I got the news on my birthday. It was horrible...I'll never forget it. I think my jaw must have struck the floor.

It was your birthday? I spluttered. The day after was Brent's birthday! It was his absolute WORST BIRTHDAY EVER! Erin nodded in solemn consent and sincere agreement.

I was still more than slightly stunned that she could recall the date as quickly as I could. That date is BRANDED upon my heart, literally seared into my spirit. I didn't think anyone else on the face of the planet, save Brent, had committed 9-24-08 to memory on our behalf. Erin had. :) That is an awesome audiologist.

Moreso, Erin recently sent me an email that read, I hope you realize how much Quincie has helped change the way we think about malformations, sign language, our recommendations for these things... and Quincie wouldn't have gotten this far (especially to where we are now) without you...

If that didn't make this Mama SMILE. No, it doesn't erase three years of pain and suffering. But it is validating. It is vindicating. It makes me believe that we did not suffer all that we did completely in vain.

Erin understands our plight. Lisa does too. :)

I have realized anew how TREMENDOUSLY THANKFUL I am for persons like Erin, Lisa and Dr. C. Persons who have a heart for helping persons born deaf to HEAR. :) Persons who are passionate about what they do, just like we mommas of special needs kids are passionate about seeking out and finding what we believe is THE ABSOLUTE BEST for our child(ren).

In our case, the absolute best turned out to be Erin, Lisa and Dr. C., who for the record I truly do esteem as a SUPER DUPER SURGEON :) I am immeasurably grateful to all three of them for their invaluable contributions to TEAM QUINCIE! :)

Definition of a Heartfelt Hug...Post 5 :)

2011-08-17T21:11:00.003-05:00

Another nothing short of wonderful surprise was that Quincie recovered ASTOUNDINGLY more quickly and all-around better than last time around. :)

We had anticipated her being off balance and barely able to take a step without teetering again for at least a week post surgery. Not so at all! As soon as she walked in the door to home Saturday August 13th she scooted upstairs to her room and began playing with her Ariel (Polly pocket type) doll that she had gotten from Disneyworld. Wow!

We kept waiting for her to stumble and fall, but she never did. After the spinal fluid leak scare, this was nothing short of miraculous to us!

Q continued to do incredibly well Sunday August 14th and Monday August 15th; so I emailed the principal and told her that I didn't see any reason why she couldn't go to school on Tuesday August 16th, the slated first day back for kindergartners. :)

LISA HAD DONE IT! :)

Remember that we had originally been scheduled for Friday September 30th, knowing that we would be moved up. :) I had told Lisa at the time that it would have been super terrific if we could get a before school summer surgery, but hadn't dreamed it would actually work out for us.

When Lisa called us shortly before we left for vacation and said Friday August 12th had opened up, I snatched it! Yes it was our big birthday weekend, but...how could we pass up the opened- up, much coveted slot we had only dreamed of?

Then, when it was the very last weekday before the following Monday start of school, we were simply sure that we would miss the first week of school. We never dreamed Q could possibly recover so quickly.

So Lisa, A MILLION THANKS AGAIN for going to bat for us behind the scenes, for securing that very last available summer surgery slot with Dr. C!!!! WE DID IT!!! WOOT! :) Continued in next post...

Definition of a Heartfelt Hug...Post 4 :)

2011-08-17T20:49:00.005-05:00

Just like the last couple of times :) Q was whacked by the anesthesia. Just like last time, she threw up. All. Day. Long. This time however there was no blood, which I personally saw as a huge improvement.

I sat vigil in my dark and dreary little room, diligently taking care of my she means the world to me little charge. :) Last time Q stopped throwing up around 9 or 10pm. This time she continued on until 12:30am. I was sooooooooooo tired. Also unlike last time, Q actually motioned for me to crawl up into her hospital bed and snuggle with her. :) In fact, I'm not sure she had ever done this before, at home or in hospital.

That evening I sent Dr. C a short email, not exactly apologizing for the excessively long hug, but simply trying to briefly explain why I held on as long as I did. Dr. C never answers emails anymore, so I just hit send with a hope and a prayer that someday he might read it and think a bit better of me than I was sure he must that evening. ;O

Dr. C came in around 9am Saturday morning. IMAGINE MY SURPRISE when almost right off the bat he said, And by the way, I wasn't offended by your hug. Then, MUCH TO MY WONDERMENT, he reciprocated by giving me a hug! :) It wasn't an excessively long hug by any s-t-r-e-t-c-h of the word; but by definition it was still a hug. :) Albeit brief.

This really, really, really and truly meant the world to me. I was actually still embarrassed about how much longer my hug was than his ;O but he had been genuinely kind and sincere in extending me such grace. :) I was grateful. Extremely grateful. :)

Dr. C left and my all-time fave 4 Sutherland nurse, Christi, popped into my room for a visit. :) It was wonderful to see a friend! :) Before we had finished chatting Dr. C popped back into our room. I thought he'd gone! :) He had some other parting instructions for me. No hug this time...but that was alright. :)

I don't know about Quincie, but I was more than ready to scoot home. :) Just like last time, I had to take about a three hour nap Saturday afternoon. I'd only gotten about nine hours of sleep total in the past 48 hours...so I was a smidge exhausted. ;O Continued in next post...

Definition of a Heartfelt Hug...Post 3 :)

2011-08-17T20:37:00.003-05:00

Embarrassed and enthusiastic as I still was, it was time for Dr. C to officially take his leave of us and for us to wait for Quincie to come out of anesthesia. Back to our old familiar Surgery Waiting Area.

About 45 minutes later we were summoned to Reunion Avenue on the second floor. There was my baby! She had the same, familiar :) gauze dressing / wrap on her had as last time. Poor Quincie. She really despises that humongous wrap around her head!

I was hoping once again to be put in 4 Sutherland, the cardiac floor. I thought I had secured it too, but the OR nurse told us that there had been some emergencies and 4 Sutherland was full up. ;O Darn.

We were led once again to the Henson Tower, this time staying on the second floor. I immediately did not like Room 4. The window was boarded up so to speak as Children's Mercy Hospital is under construction to add a new hospital wing. This made our room dark and dreary. Brent kept reminding me that it was better than 3 West, and it was. But it wasn't my beloved 4 Sutherland either. ;O

Once our floor nurses had Q settled in we hustled down to the cafeteria to snag some lunch. Then we decided that Brent should head on home. I had packed for overnight, but what I had not counted on was that for some reason this time around that hospital was absolutely freezing!! Maybe its because we were still a bit run down with our colds, but both Brent and I felt like Popsicles in that place that particular Friday August 12th.

We had driven to the hospital together, so we drove home together, I secured my Jack Skellington hoodie from my closet, plus a couple more long sleeved tops :O and rushed back to the hospital.

As I headed back to Room 4 Carrie, our nurse, caught me and said, She just threw up ALL OVER HERSELF. And so it began...Continued in next post...

Definition of a Heartfelt Hug...Post 2 :)

2011-08-17T20:29:00.002-05:00

I knew I had held on to that hug too long. But I was still giddy with enthusiasm. I even did a little happy dance as Dr. C and Brent shook hands. :)

I was giddy because this was truly it. We. Were. Done. :) From a surgery standpoint, it was finished. :)

Despite the facts that this second surgery had not gone as swimmingly well as the first, still, it was behind us. It would be a memory someday. It was no longer looming on the horizon or on our anxious to-do list.

My Quincie had done it. In five years this was Q's fifth surgery (that we know of). Three open heart surgeries and two cochlear implant / neuro-surgeries were now behind her. Past tense. Oh my precious girl...you have endured so much in your short lifetime...Continued in next post...

Definition of a Heartfelt Hug...Post 1 :)

2011-08-17T19:19:00.004-05:00

I hopped up, took his hand and obligingly shook it. Then...I just couldn't help myself. I pondered it for a fleeting moment. Debated briefly. Hesitated for only a second. But giddy, sentimental enthusiasm won out over too much, thought out reason. I asked, Can I have a hug too? :)

In hindsight, that was a really embarrassing hug. But I'm still glad I did it.

It was embarrassing because it was a ludicrously l-o-n-g hug. I almost let go once...then I squeezed tight again. Because that was no ordinary thanks for the surgery hug.

That hug was THREE TUMULTUOUS AND TOUGH YEARS in the making. That hug was the culmination of several events...several bitter disappointments and draining discouragements...several overarching, painful, prevailing medical, needle-prick notions that cost us very, very dearly. That hug was for every second of every day of the subsequent, aching, lost three years.

That hug was full of honest tears. That hug was full of hard-earned triumphs. That hug was from a passionate, emotionally overwrought Mama who had endured much. :) That hug was crossing the almost impossible finish line after a desperate mother's journey. That hug was like a cup of cold water after spending three dreadful years in the scorching desert.

That hug was letting go of misunderstandings and doubts between us. That hug was an apology for the worst of times and a rainbow promise for the best of times. That hug meant a lot to me. That's why it was excessively long and even bleedingly heartfelt....Continued in next post...

All The Old Familiar Places...Post 3

2011-08-17T13:02:00.008-05:00

Encouragingly, despite the just completed lesser than second surgery, Dr. C was optimistic. He told us that no nerve response during surgical testing might have been related to the repair job he had had to do; that there would be much more swelling, etc, which very likely could have interfered with results.

Really, no matter what, there wasn't a whole lot we could do about it right then and there. Quincie will either respond to her cochlear implant on her left side...or she will not.

Dr. C thought it was much too soon to pass judgment on the matter and basically told us not to fret; activation in two weeks would produce much more reliable results. Going back a bit farther, Lisa had warned us prior to our initial activation that sometimes results are not immediate anyway. Sometimes it takes weeks or months to determine if a cochlear implant is successful or not. So, we will wait. :)

Dr. C then told us that due to the spinal fluid leak it was a mandatory overnight hospital stay. This whole scenario I thought was rather ironic. The first time around (back in April) Brent and I had pushed to stay overnight while Dr. C had been seemingly more inclined to send us home. This time around the tables were turned. We were desperately wanting to go home (before the news of a spinal fluid leak of course!) but even before the surgery, when we chatted briefly in pre-op in the early of morning, Dr. C had seemed more partial to having Q stay overnight. ;) Just something I made note of and thought was comical.

He had dutifully reported the facts to us. We had briefly and amiably chatted in a small, old familiar hospital room, again...for the second time that Friday morning. Dr. C stood up and extended his arm for a parting, farewell handshake. Then... :)

All The Old Familiar Places...Post 2

2011-08-17T12:27:00.008-05:00

I really cannot explain how excessively t-i-r-e-d Brent and I were that Friday morning August 12th. We had spent a marvelous but GIGANTIC week in Florida / Disneyworld July 30th through August 6th. Then we came home to an extremely cluttered lots of appointments plus meet the teachers / prepare for back to school and oh yeah, surgery! type week. On top of that, these colds were really wiping us out. Simply put, I don't know that we had ever been more exhausted as we were that morning sitting in the Surgery Waiting Area. ;O

Its easy to lose track of time in surgery situations, but it seemed to me the surgery was running a smidge longer than it had the first time. Finally sometime around 11am we got the call that the surgery was completed and that Dr. C was on his way down to meet with us. Hooray! With any luck this was the last time I would see a doctor in surgical scrubs!! :)

Dr. C came into our little consultation room wearing those familiar Operating Room blue hospital scrubs. (Last time!) He sat down across from us and said that the surgery had went well. Well, for the most part that is. ;O

This second cochlear implant surgery had not gone quite as swimmingly for Dr. C as the first one had. First off, Q had a spinal fluid leak during surgery. :O

Dr. C of course immediately repaired the puncture and stopped the leak; but still, that is never a desirable side effect of cochlear implant surgery. To repair the leak he actually had to surgically remove / cut out her stirrup bone, so that he could have better physical access to repair the leak; then he had to borrow some muscle tissue to patch the puncture point.

Second, when Erin, our awesome audiologist, had done her implant device testing during surgery she got no nerve response. ;( This was almost more troublesome / worrisome than the first bit of news actually; especially since Dr. C did not believe that the leak would give us any further trouble or that Q would suffer any lasting repercussions...

Last time Lisa had gotten some sort of nerve response during her implant device testing during surgery. It wasn't a terrific or overwhelming response by any stretch. But still, she had gotten something.

And speaking of Lisa, this particular day, Friday August 12th, the very same surgery date that she had helped secure for us, was bittersweet as it just happened to be her last day at Midwest Ear Institute. :(

Lisa had actually been there for almost 15 years...we just happened to come along at the tail end of those 15 years! It was difficult to "let her go" so to speak; but...we were more than grateful for the time that we had spent with her and will never, ever forget her as she is the marvelous, magnificent, nothing short of wonderful person who activated our Q!! :) She also provided some much needed personal support (via email) to me over the course of the winter of my discontent. Needless to say, we are only one of oodles of patients and families who truly love Lisa. She will be very sorely missed! :)

Sorry, I had to be wistful for a moment. :) Back to a minutes ago completed second cochlear implant surgery and visiting with Dr. C in one of our old familiar places...

It had occurred to me a couple of times that this second side might not produce as fantastic of results as the first. But Q has been having such a tremendous response to her first cochlear implant that I had no real reason to dwell on lesser than type thoughts. Those less than tremendous hauntings and doubts had not lingered nor stayed with me, especially as Q consistently continued to respond to her name plus even began to attempt to produce speech sounds of her own. Continued in next post...

All The Old Familiar Places...Post 1

2011-08-15T16:12:00.004-05:00

One great thing about kids is that they seem to wake up happy, no matter how early one wakes them up. :)

We made good time and checked into Same Day Surgery / SDS at 6:05am. I had never seen the waiting room so crowded! Guess we weren't the only ones with the great idea of trying to squeeze in a surgery before school starts. :)

We had to wait a bit to be called back; and then instead of going back to the usual pre-op pod we actually went across the hall to pre-admissions testing. The nurse said they were so packed that they had to use pre-admissions as an overflow area that morning. Wow!

Our nurse gave us the familiar surgery overview. Then two anesthesia doctors came by to review their parts again. Shortly after that Dr. C arrived. It was still a bit surreal really. We had secured a sooner rather than later surgery date...it was finally here...and this bilateral cochlear implant surgery was really happening for us! Woot! :)

We said our goodbye's and watched Q happily walk away with an OR surgical nurse. We hopped on the familiar orange elevator, rode one floor down and resumed our familiar places in the Surgery Waiting Area.

This was the fifth time in 17 months that I had spent time in this room. The first time was in April 2010 when Quincie had her pre-surgery catheter procedure for her Fontan surgery. Then of course we were back again for said Fontan Completion surgery in July 2010. Mallie was in the middle ;) with her ASD closure and electro-physiological testing in September of 2010. We had a bit of a break before we were back with Quincie in April 2011 for her practically prestigious first cochlear implant ;) and now here we were at this second long-awaited day, August 12th 2011, for Q's second / bilateral cochlear implant. It may not look like much written out here in green and white, but in real life...it sure felt like a lot. :) Continued in next post...

Surgery Event... :)

2011-08-15T16:00:00.004-05:00

4am comes dreadfully early. Especially when one was not able to fall asleep until after midnight the night before. :O

Our bags were packed, we were ready to go. We weren't leaving on a jet plane this time though. We were heading to our children's hospital for what we sincerely hoped was to be our LAST surgery for Q-Baby. :)

There was A LOT of emotion wrapped up into this surgery for me. I will of course be discussing that at length in subsequent posts. ;) Suffice it to say for now though, it was an emotional day for me. But truthfully, mostly...I was giddy.

Most parents are rather somber on surgery days. Usually I am not. The reason for this? Because surgeries, as unpleasant as they are, are sometimes necessary. In our case, when Quincie had her Fontan Completion last summer, it was, literally, Lifesaving. Her first cochlear implant surgery four months ago? Lifechanging. :)

This second cochlear implant surgery? A MILESTONE. An event. It was the culmination of a long and difficult journey, a rather dreadful three years if we're completely honest. How could I be anything but JOYFUL that this was it? :)

Surgery Eve...

2011-08-15T15:38:00.002-05:00

Surgery is an event. Not a pleasant event like Halloween or Christmas :) but preparing for one is almost like organizing a holiday event. The to-do lists for Christmas Eve and Surgery Eve are, similarly, long, detailed, sometimes overwhelming and always somewhat daunting and rather HUGE-ish.

Met Q's teachers. Check. Fabulous haircut for Q and French braids for Mallie. Check. Supper. Check. Brent purchased Wade's birthday gift for TOMORROW :) on way home from work. Check. Showed Brent where gift is for Ellie's birthday party on Saturday. Check. Taken Wade to sneak a peek, delivered school supplies and met his teacher. Check. Packed for sleepovers. Check. Delivered kids to sleepover destinations. Check. Given Q a bath. Check. Hugged and kissed Q and tucked her into bed before yet another surgery day for her. Check. Packed for hospital. Check. Well that one is a lot of check marks, isn't it? That to-do item should read, Packed and re-packed and re-packed again for hospital. Check. Check. Check. :) Set alarm for 4am. Check. Mentally prepared to leave house at 5:15am. Check (sort of!). Prayed like crazy for another successful surgery for my Q-Baby. Check. Worried about what could go wrong. Check. Prayed some more. Check. Wished my Wadie a faraway Happy Birthday tomorrow. Check. Try to stop thinking about everything and go to sleep... ;O

Its just those million and one BIG and little things to do the night before a big day. The day before an event... :)

Sleepovers... :)

2011-08-15T15:14:00.005-05:00

Thankfully I was able to secure sleepovers for all four of Q's siblings for Thursday night. Of course the kids could stay by themselves and be perfectly content, all four playing Nintendo no doubt! while Brent, Quincie and I would be at CMH on Friday. But still, it is an extra comfort and great peace of mind to think that they are being cared for by adult friends.

Our AWESOME FRIEND COLE agreed to take all three boys for the night. I had an extra incentive in picking Cole this time around...again. Friday August 12th, our surgery day, was also Wade's 9th birthday. ;O That was actually the ONLY DOWNSIDE to this surgery date; it hit on a HUGE BIRTHDAY WEEKEND. :)

Because I have pretty well-rounded and agreeable kids, I didn't think Wade would mind hanging out with his way cool buddy Cole on his birthday. :) Fortunately, I was right. :)

Mallie was also super duper excited to be with our SIMPLY WONDERFUL adopted in-town Grandma, Grandma Mac. :) Again, Quincie was a bit disconcerted when all of her siblings left Thursday night and she was stuck at home, but...its just the way it happens sometimes, isn't it?

Thanks to our TERRIFIC FRIENDS, all four of our kids had a FANTASTIC TIME on their sleepovers. The boys didn't show up back home until early Friday evening, and due to a snafu / Grandma's phone being out ;O we weren't able to contact her / relieve her of Mallie til late Friday night!

THANKS SO MUCH TO COLE AND GRANDMA MAC for helping us care for our kiddos. These surgery days go much, much smoother with love and help from friends. :)